


Watching You

by impractical_matters



Category: The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alaric Saltzman & Damon Salvatore Friendship, Alternate Universe, Animal Transformation, Bella Has Issues, Bella Leaves Forks, Bella is a Danger Magnet, Bella's Parents Are Dead, Comfort/Angst, Damon Has Issues, Damon Leaves Mystic Falls, Damon POV - Freeform, Desperate Damon, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Inspired by You (TV 2018), Jealous Damon, New Moon AU, Not Beta Read, Obsessive Damon, Protective Damon, Psychological Trauma, Slow Build, Song Lyrics, Stalking, The Crow - Freeform, The Cullen's Don't Come Back, Unreliable Narrator, Whiskey & Scotch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2020-08-10 19:51:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impractical_matters/pseuds/impractical_matters
Summary: I know those feelings. I recognize them. Those are feelings I feel every god damn day. A constant need to drown out the silence around you, to make yourself appear normal even when no one is watching.But someone is watching. I’m watching. And I could clearly see that this girl wanted to appear normal.I remember the instant I smelled her that something was off, something in her blood wasn't quite right, but I couldn’t tell what it was.I wanted to get closer to her, I needed to get closer, but I wasn’t sure how.This girl is in pain. A lot of it. She may be hiding it from everyone around her, but I am not just anyone. I know pain. I am a master at hiding pain behind a snarky attitude and sarcastic remarks. But this girl wasn’t hiding her pain that way, at least she didn’t appear to be. Still, she knew how to wear a mask, and I want to see behind it.I don’t even know her name. But I want to know it. I want to know everything. So I will wait and watch.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted there to be more crossovers between TVD and Twilight, so I decided to try to do it myself. This might have been a bad idea, I don't know, you tell me. 
> 
> The idea for this story is loosely based off the book and Netflix series "You" which is super creepy and yet I could not stop watching it (something is obviously wrong with me). I have at least 10 chapters of this stuff either written or planned out, but since this is the first time I am posting anything on here, I'll let you guys decide if I should keep going or not. If not, I'll just keep this story for myself. 
> 
> I don't exactly have an ending in mind, but I have a general idea of the direction. If all goes well, there should be about 20 chapters, maybe less. 
> 
> A few things: Be warned - Damon is a supernatural stalker in this story. He utilizes his animal transformation ability a lot in order to better stalk Bella - i.e. hiding outside her window, watching her at work, flying around the city, etc. you get the picture. I know the show didn't use the crow very much (basically the first and last episodes of the show) because it was confusing and difficult to shoot, but whatever. I like the idea so I took some liberties with it. 
> 
> Also: I do not condone any of this behavior; if you think someone is stalking you, you should probably call the police and not invite them into your home. . . like some people. . . 
> 
> I will add more tags as I add chapters. 
> 
> This is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Chapter 1:

Baltimore City, Maryland: The Greatest City in America, or so the benches around here say. Honestly, it’s not that great. If you were measuring a city by the number of homicides or the amount of crime that takes place there, then yeah, Baltimore is great. Number one city for sure. 

It’s been named the deadliest city in the country many times over the years. It’s had more murders than New York City, Philadelphia, Miami, Seattle, Los Angeles, even Las Vegas. I find it interesting that crime rates can be seemingly decreasing across large cities all over the United States, but murder is on the rise. I guess humans just love killing each other. All the facts I’ve heard and read don’t really matter that much to me. It’s not like I’m going to be a casualty of the Baltimore crime scene. 

Nope, I’m already dead. 

I thought getting away from Mystic Falls would be a good idea, one that I have expressed many times over my centuries on this Earth. I’ve tried multiple times to get away over the past few years, but something or someone always pulled me back. Well I finally decided to fulfill Stefan’s request. I wouldn’t say I _ran_ though. Damon Salvatore never runs away. No, I would say I made a quick unexpected exit. __

_ __ _

I didn’t intend to stop in this dank depressed city, but D.C. wasn’t really my thing, so I just kept going. This was the next largely populated city that I came across, and this place had a lot to offer someone like me. I knew I wasn’t the only vampire in town; this place seemed to have a good amount of them hiding in the shadows. I didn’t plan to kill anyone while I was here, but I like to keep my options open. 

This city was overflowing with young delicious smelling people…and I was never one to resist an appetizing buffet. 

The summer here is hot and humid, but the sun always brings people out into the open. There were a few different popular areas around the city. While the Inner Harbor’s a main hub for businesses and offices, it also holds many tourist attractions like the Baltimore National Aquarium and the piers where there’s a concert every weekend. People always gathered around near here: students trying to find their way around, visitors taking pictures, and of course, business people making their way from office to home. 

It created an open field for me to sit and watch. I’ve always taken great pleasure in observing the masses. 

It’s easy here, the wide open area, no small streets or houses lining the way, if I wanted that I would have gone to Fells Point or Federal Hill. Sure, those places were good to pick up drunken girls on late nights, but the Inner Harbor was my main hunting ground. There was just something about watching lambs wander about, completely oblivious to the lion waiting in the wings that made me positively giddy. 

Aside from it being overly populated, I didn’t have a whole lot to say about Baltimore. I had been better places, places that certainly smelled better than this one, but still I’ll admit this place has a certain charm to it. 

It didn’t take long for the late afternoon rush of people to start making their way out of the many office buildings along Pratt Street. I liked to walk over the few footpaths just off the Inner Harbor. It was slightly less crowded over here, but I could look at the water, not that it was much to look at. The water in the harbor is gross, but hey that’s where many idiots have dumped bodies over the years, so what would you expect? 

Most of the time I tried to ignore the putrid smell coming off the water, but on warm days like today, it made it a bit challenging. But I could ignore the smell and still search out something mouthwatering, and that’s exactly what I was doing. I sat down at the benches outside one of the entrances to the aquarium, and waited sifting through the scents around me, searching for something that piqued my interest. 

It was a little after five in the afternoon when I smelled something wonderful, something _different_, something I had never smelled before. It didn’t smell completely human, it carried just the hint of something else, more than enough to garner my curiosity, and of course it was _intoxicating_. I breathed in deeply, pulling the scent in as hard as I could. I sensed the different layers of this sweet scent; it smelled of ambrosia mixed with honey, strawberries and freesias. I stayed still and allowed the delectable fragrance to invade my every sense, utterly and completely. ____

_ _ __ _ _

I searched the few people walking over the footpaths, but none led me to the scent I was looking for. Maybe the smell came from across the water? There was a light breeze, so it’s possible this smell was coming from further down the way. 

I stayed put on my bench, waiting. I would let the scent come to me. But even as I waited, I could feel something pulling me. This deep ache in my chest started slowly as the scent became stronger, coming closer to me. The ache spread out down my arms and legs, settling over me like a desperate need. 

Then I saw her. 

Immediately the pull got stronger. Yes, she was the one. 

She had her head down with earbuds in, ignoring the people around her with such determination. She would look up occasionally, checking to see if the path was clear in front of her. She seemed to know exactly where she was going, but she continued hiding her face as much as possible as she walked. I could tell this was a path she took often. 

Her long wavy dark brown hair flowed around her as the wind picked up and blew her scent directly into my path. I held onto the moan that threatened to slip from my lips as I breathed her in. 

I watched as she made her way closer. My eyes took in her petite slender form, hidden under her short tan trench coat; it seemed a little warm for that but whatever. Her hands were tucked tight in the pockets, and I could see the navy floral dress just under the coat that moved as she walked. My eyes followed the line of her body down to her beautiful legs. They were smooth, creamy, pale and perfect. 

God I want to touch those legs. No I didn’t just want to touch them . . . I wanted them wrapped around me while I made her scream out my name in pleasure. Fuck. I wanted her. Not just because of her scent, I wanted all of her. 

But that wasn’t the only ache I felt. 

Before I even thought about getting up and moving towards her, I honed in on her face. What I saw there made the ache in my chest clench my slow beating heart painfully. 

I don’t know why I didn’t notice before, okay I was ogling her body, sure whatever, but when I focused, there on her pale pretty face were quiet tears. As I studied her more, I could see the pain that was etched there. 

I immediately felt guilty about my obvious desire for the girl, no, I couldn’t approach her. I wouldn’t. Not yet. 

I wanted to, but this girl . . . something inside me made me want to protect her. I wanted to wipe those tears off her delicate heart shaped face. I wanted to take away the pain that so obviously was tearing her apart inside. I didn’t just want to use this girl. I wanted to help her. 

Great. Just what I need. 

The dark part of me was shaking its head. It wanted me to grab her and consume her, completely. And I wanted to let it take over, but the other part of me, the part that held my humanity would not allow me to do it. No, this was not a conquest. This was a victim. A victim I wanted to wrap up in my arms and hold onto. I wanted to make her whole again. 

I stayed still as she passed by me, but my body wanted to follow her. It acted on its own. I barely registered my movements as I began trailing behind her. Luckily, I didn’t have to hide here, there were many people around, and she wasn’t looking back behind her. Following this girl was way too easy. 

She kept moving steadily and kept her head down. Another few blocks and we were passed the Inner Harbor. She walked a few blocks up and entered an apartment building. It looked like the entire block was apartments; she could live in any one of them. I noticed the parking garage directly adjacent to the building she entered, it did have a gate, but it closed at 11 p.m., not that that would stop me from getting in if I wanted to. 

I watched her walk in the small entrance, and she immediately walked up the tall wooden staircase at the front of the hallway, ignoring the elevator, and keeping her keys in her hand. I watched from across the street as she made her way up the two-story stairway and then quickly went through the first door on her right. So she lived on the second floor. That made things easy. 

I waited to see if she lived in the street facing apartments, but after a few minutes I saw no movement in the windows above. I quickly crossed the street and walked down the open alley next to the building and the parking garage. 

Luck seemed to be on my side today. I looked around the open area of the garage and I could see the back of the apartments were clearly visible. The apartments that lined the block all had inner entrances in this garage. I looked up above the back entrance to the building I saw the girl enter, and there she was. In the apartment closest to the parking garage I could see her through the blinds of the window that were drawn halfway. She had taken off the trench coat and was turning on a lamp then she turned away from the window. 

I could barely see her from down here. I needed to get higher up so I could see more. I quickly looked around to make sure the area was clear and jumped to the second level of the parking garage. I knew in this form I would be a bit obvious, a man staring into an unsuspecting woman’s apartment window, yeah what’s not creepy about that? 

So I shifted and perched on the concrete ledge. No one would find a bird conspicuous. 

From here I could clearly see into her apartment. The apartment was large and open with impressively high ceilings, but the room was a bit bare. She had a couch, rug, book shelves, television, but there was nothing on the walls. Maybe she hadn’t lived here very long? I saw a few empty boxes tucked in the corner and assumed as much. She wasn’t in the main room at the moment, but I could see a long hallway that went the length of the apartment to the front door. There was a room off the hallway that must lead to her bedroom. I could hear water running from the bathroom. 

I waited for her to come back into the room, and when she did she had changed her clothes. Now she was wearing tight black yoga pants and a dark green long sleeved shirt, with her face freshly washed and a thin headband pushing her hair back away from her lovely heart-shaped face. She looked simple and natural more like herself. This was who she really was, not that done up business looking woman I saw on the street. While I appreciated how attractive she looked in her professional attire, the way she looked now made me smile. 

As she made her way toward the kitchen, following along beside her I saw a cat. It was a short grey and brown chubby tabby that was meowing like crazy at her. 

I heard her shush the annoying little thing. Her voice was sweet and she chuckled lightly as the cat circled her legs. She opened a door next to the kitchen, her pantry, and crouched down toward the bottom shelf. I could hear her measuring food in a cup and then she quickly walked across the room and dumped it in the cat’s bowl. 

She also refilled the cat’s water bowl, and then she went back toward her bedroom. She was only gone for a minute before she came back with her cellphone in hand. It was in a simple black wallet looking case, folded over, I could see credit cards and IDs in the card slots, but I couldn’t make out a name from this far away. 

She walked over to the grey tweed couch which was right near the window, and put her phone down before heading over to one of the wooden bookshelves. On top of the bookcase on the right side of the room sat two matching silver lamps, and on the other side of the room directly across sat a matching wooden bookcase with two blue ceramic lamps. The blue ones looked much older, antique almost, perhaps she inherited them? 

She walked toward the right bookshelf with the silver lamps and picked up a small black book of matches. I watched as she quickly lit a candle and then went back to the couch. 

She grabbed a remote that was lying on the couch beside her, and turned on the television. She waited a few moments before she pulled up a music application on the large screen in front of her. And then, after another moment I could hear music begin to play. I could hear the light sounds of guitar, but I didn’t recognize the song playing. I was really not expecting the beautiful sound that began to flow from her as she started to sing along with the music. 

I stayed perched on the ledge frozen as her voice carried through the room, covering the original artist’s voice. The sound of her was so desperate and broken, but hauntingly beautiful. She knew these words well. She must have sung this song many times before. 

_I had a dream about a burning house_  
_You were stuck inside _  
_I couldn't get you out _  
_I lay beside you and pulled you close_  
_And the two of us went up in smoke_

_Love isn't all that it seems_  
_I did you wrong_  
_I'll stay here with you_  
_Until this dream is gone_

_I've been sleepwalking_  
_Been wondering all night_  
_Trying to take what's lost and broke_  
_And make it right_  
_I've been sleepwalking_  
_Too close to the fire_  
_But it's the only place that I can hold you tight_  
_In this burning house_

I listened to her in awe as she sang clear and strong. She never cracked or missed a note. While she sounded sad, she also sounded confident while she sang. I wondered if that was always true when she sang. But it seemed obvious to me that confidence was not something that came easily to this girl. 

She stayed silent when she finished. She didn’t move to get up. She just sat there staring at the screen of her television. I watched her turn her head toward the window, toward me. She got up and walked over to the further window and with a bit of effort, she lifted it up about a foot to allow some of the warm air into the room. I watched her inhale and then scrunch up her nose in disgust. 

Well her window did face the dumpsters as well as the garage, which was unfortunate for her, but the open window allowed her fresh scent to flow outward toward me. I inhaled again and felt the tension that I had been holding onto since I started to follow her, ease out of me. The ache in my chest also seemed to lighten as I breathed her in. 

She looked down toward the few people who were walking below. She didn’t smile or stare at anything in particular until her head turned towards me. 

For some reason, as her eyes focused on me, I held my breath. It wasn’t like she would see anything but a lonely crow, just sitting on a ledge. But I couldn’t help myself. I wanted her to actually see me, but instead all she saw was a bird. 

After another few minutes, she closed the window and walked back toward the kitchen. I watched as she heated up a frozen meal and then sat back on the couch with her cat. She watched television for the next few hours before she went to bed. 

I watched closely at what was an obvious basic display of depressive behavior. She sat there for about five hours straight and she barely moved the entire time she was sitting on the couch. She didn't really look at her phone while she’s sitting there either. Maybe she has no friends to talk to? Not that I would find that at all surprising based on what I’ve seen so far. Or maybe she’s just having a quiet night in? That seemed a bit hopeful. Something about her movements made everything she did seem so routine. 

Well either way she just sits there mindlessly watching a show that she barely pays attention to. What’s even the point of turning it on if you’re not going to watch it? 

But as I watch and study her, I can see her emotions right there on the surface. Sadness, boredom, loneliness, and a hard resolve on top of everything else. I know those feelings. I recognize them. Those are feelings I feel every god damn day. A constant need to drown out the silence around you, to make yourself appear normal even when no one is watching. 

But someone is watching. I’m watching. And I could clearly see that this girl wanted to appear normal. 

I wanted so badly to be in that room with her, but that was just the dark part of me. The vampire part of me. If I was in there with her now, I could just compel her into doing whatever I wanted and that would be that. But this girl, while seemingly plain and simple on the outside carries a heavy weight on her shoulders. I can see it in her empty eyes, in her lack of energy, in the way she tossed and turned for a couple hours before finally succumbing to an uneasy sleep.

As I watched her throughout the night, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to this girl than meets the eye. 

I remember the instant I smelled her that something was off, something in her blood wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t tell what it was. I wanted to get closer to her, I needed to get closer, but I wasn’t sure how. There didn't seem to be anyone close to her at all. 

This girl is in pain. A lot of it. 

She may be hiding it from everyone around her, but I am not just anyone. I know pain. I am a master at hiding pain behind a snarky attitude and sarcastic remarks, but this girl wasn’t hiding her pain that way, at least she didn’t appear to be. Still, she knew how to wear a mask, and I want to see behind it. 

I don’t even know her name. But I want to know it. I want to know everything. So I will wait and watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Credit: Burning House by Cam 
> 
> FYI: It might be a little while before Damon and Bella actually meet and speak to each other. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 2.
> 
> Still no Bella/Damon action, but of course Damon is still a creeper (yay!). He learns Bella's name. Bella is still depressed. And Stefan calls to ruin Damon's mood. 
> 
> I will add more tags as I add chapters.
> 
> This is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Chapter 2:

I stayed there, on the ledge outside her window until almost 2 a.m. when I was sure she was sound asleep. It had been painful listening to her trying desperately to calm down enough to get some rest. I waited and listened as she got ready for bed, turning on her music, and a fan. Then she laid there from around 11 p.m. until just before 1 a.m., and then I finally heard her heartbeat slow and her breathing even out. 

I had no idea what the cause of her pain was, and I wasn’t entirely sure when or how I would find that out. But I knew if I stuck around long enough I would find a way to weasel my way into her life, and until I thought of a better plan, that is what I would do.

It seemed too simple to just be heartbreak, or maybe it was just a really bad terrible “want to kill yourself” kind of heartbreak. The human side of me hoped that it wasn’t that, but then the only other things I could imagine to cause such behavior were much worse. I didn’t wish this girl any kind of pain, but if it was just a broken heart then I would be slightly disappointed. 

I wanted more from this girl. I wanted her to be more than ordinary because something was telling me that she already was. Now I just had to wait and find out for myself. 

I left the ledge outside her window and went to find some dinner. Or a late night snack depending on your perspective. 

I stayed away from her window until early the next morning. Once again, I found myself perched outside her window, waiting and listening. 

I heard her alarm around 7 a.m., but she repeatedly hit snooze probably because it took her so long to fall asleep in the first place. Finally, she pulled herself from her bed, and I could hear her turn her fan off and walk toward her bathroom. Before she went in, I heard the sound of two light switches and I could see the front hallway was now illuminated. Then again I heard two more light switches in the bathroom, turning on the light and the fan. I also heard the sound of her cat jump from the bed and follow her. Then the shower turned on and I heard the door close quietly. 

It didn’t take long before I could hear another alarm going off inside the bathroom. I guess she brought her phone with her. It had only been about fifteen minutes since she went into the shower. Hmmm . . . she times herself. As the alarm continues I hear the shower turn off and she gets out. 

I pause, distracted as I began to imagine what she would look like getting out of the shower. Long wet hair sticking to her dripping skin, flushed and reddened from the hot water, hands slightly pruning, goosebumps appearing as the cool air hits her wet body. 

I shook myself from those thoughts as I hear her exit the bathroom and enter her bedroom again. She spends the next ten minutes getting dressed. I can hear the sound of the rough but slightly worn fabric as it slides up her legs, she’s putting on jeans today. It’s Friday. Her office must have a casual Friday dress policy. Once she’s dressed she goes back into the bathroom for a few more minutes, but I don’t hear much while she’s in there. 

It must be close to the time she has to leave because suddenly her heartbeat is faster than it was before she got dressed and she comes rushing into the main room. I notice the almost sheer floral top and dark wash skinny jeans she’s wearing and barely resist groaning. Damn those jeans hug her ass well. 

I ignore the distracting thoughts I have racing through my mind and watch as she quickly checks the cat’s food bowls and goes to refill them before she goes into the freezer and grabs a frozen meal. The same ones she ate last night for dinner. 

Hmmm . . . maybe this girl doesn’t know how to cook? Or maybe this is cheaper? I notice the name on the small box in her hand. It’s a diet meal. Why is she eating those? She doesn’t need to be on a diet. Well, that’s just my opinion clearly this girl has a mind of her own. It might be a crazy one though, but I guess I'll just have to wait and find out for myself. 

She rushes back toward the front hallway and opens another closet there. She pulls out the same tan trench coat she wore the day before. She grabs her bag and keys then heads out her apartment door quickly. I hear her lock it then rush out the other door and down the stairs. 

I fly quickly around to the front of the building where I see her checking her phone. A minute later a car pulls up and she gets in. 

I almost don’t hear it, but I swoop down just in time for the driver to say her name. 

“Isabella?” The driver asks. 

“Yes, that’s me,” She responds as she settles in the backseat behind the driver and shuts the car door. 

“Mason Burns Tower?”

“Yes, thank you,” She replies. 

Then the car pulls away and begins the quick drive to the Mason Burns Tower. I don’t know much about the building. I’ve seen it. It’s a prominent building located in a more expensive part of the Harbor. I know there’s a fountain that sits in the circle by the building. It’s beautiful. Made of bronze and granite, it was made to memorialize some tragic massacre of Polish nationals that was carried out by Soviet forces. It’s also the tallest statue in Baltimore. It’s not the most amazing memorial I’ve seen, but it is something to look at. 

It takes a short amount of time for me to fly directly there. I land on the ground around the corner from the entrance to the Business School. I quickly phase and brush myself off. I watch through the glass as her car pulls in. She thanks the driver and gets out. Always so polite. I watch her as she enters the main doors and quickly heads toward the right side. I follow quickly into the building behind her, inhaling as the air conditioning from the building pushes her scent at me as I come through the entrance. 

It’s grand, I’ll say that. It’s modern, wide open, grey floors and white walls. There’s basic abstract art classically hanging on the walls. This is a nice building to work in. She swipes a card and goes toward the elevators. I head for the security desk which is centered against the wall directly across from the main entrance. 

A young woman sits there in her building security uniform, minding her own business, she looks up as I approach and I give her my best charming smirk. I quickly lock eyes on her and capture her attention and her mind. 

“Did you see the woman who just walked in wearing a tan trench coat, Isabella?” There were other people walking around, so I wanted to be sure this woman knew who I was talking about. 

She smiles as I ask her this, her eyes immediately responding to my compulsion. I guess she knows her. 

“Yes. Isabella Swan.” She says. 

What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. Wow that's cliche. 

“Where does she work?” 

“She works on the 20th floor. She’s the receptionist.” 

“What kind of business is it?” 

“It’s a law firm.” She replies. 

So, she’s a receptionist at a law firm. It’s not entirely basic, but it does have an air of normalcy to it. 

“I would like a guest pass to the 20th floor.” I smile as she nods and quickly slides her chair over to the small cabinet that’s behind her desk. She unlocks it, and pulls a pass out from an envelope labeled 20th floor. She comes back and hands it to me.

“Can I help you with anything else, sir?” She asks while her eyes remain locked in my gaze. 

“Yes, what time does she normally get off work?” 

“The office closes at 5:30 in the afternoon. I’ve seen her come down between 5 and 6 most days.”

“Thank you, you will forget you ever saw me and this entire conversation.” As I say this she nods and moves away from me. 

I look down at the pass in my hand. Well I guess I can’t exactly use this right now, but perhaps I will come back and visit after hours. I pocket the pass and head back out the main entrance. I look up the building and count…24 floors. She works pretty high up there. I bet the view is beautiful. 

I go back around to the corner by the dock entrance and causally make sure no one is around before I phase once again. I’m going to need to feed again soon, all this phasing is starting to wear me out. I fly upward toward the 20th floor and just hope I will be able to catch a glimpse of her. The entire outside of the building is all glass windows, there are a few balconies, and as I make my way up the building I feel the ache in my chest lessening. I’m getting close. 

Who knew flying directly upward would be so difficult? Well it’s not the easiest thing in the world, that’s for sure. I level out by the 20th floor balcony and land. I can see into the main room on the floor, it’s a board room, with a large conference table in the middle of the room. It’s flanked by two smaller conference rooms. All professionally decorated. It looks expensive. 

I can see the glass wall that separates the room from the reception area. There are two people out there. Both female, but through the frosted glass I cannot make them out. One must be Isabella. 

I fly out again and look through the open door of the conference room. And there she is. She is already sitting at the reception desk, speaking to an older woman who is standing next to her. I can see her profile this way, but I cannot see anything on the screens in front of her. 

She’s smiling politely at the woman next to her, but the smile does not reach her eyes. I wonder if she actually likes this woman, she looks pleasant enough. Tall, thin, pale skin and light colored hair pulled back into a low bun, she looks like she’s maybe in her fifties or sixties. She’s dressed slightly more professional than Isabella, but it is a Friday. 

The older woman walks away after a moment and Isabella immediately starts organizing things on the desk. I watch her pull the computer screens closer to her, lining them up with each other. She moves the phone, the pens, and two other things on the desk that I can’t see. She lines them all up with each other. She puts her purse in the bottom drawer to her right and then turns back to the computer. 

I watch her begin her day in obvious annoyance for how the previous person left her desk, but she doesn’t let it affect the artificial smile that she plasters on her face for every person that comes off the elevator. She says good morning or hello to all of them and checks a sheet next to her each time, and marks something down. She also looks at her screen and marks more things down next to her. She looks focused but friendly. 

I fly back to the balcony and land. It’s still early, barely after 9 in the morning and she is going to be in there for hours. So I decide I better use this time wisely. I’ll come back and check on her later. It’s not like she’s going anywhere. 

Later in the afternoon, when I come back to the balcony I see her walking away from the reception desk. The same woman from this morning is sitting there now. I didn’t see Isabella walk toward the elevators, so she must still be on the floor somewhere. I wait and hear her come back toward reception and begin walking up carpeted steps. I fly up to the 21st floor in time to see her come up the stairs and walk toward me. 

I watch as she goes toward the large fancy coffee machine that an office so does not need, and starts to make a drink. Again, everything she is doing is so precise with calculated and practiced movements. She pulls a mug out and a coffee pod puts it in the machine and then adds sweetener into the mug as it fills up. She waits for the machine to stop, and picks up her mug, adds something else, and mixes it up. She sighs as she sips it for the first time, but she still isn’t smiling. Someone walks through the area and she politely smiles then walks further into the lounge area by the windows. She’s only a few feet away from me now, and separated by large glass windows, but still. She’s there and the ache doesn’t hurt so much. 

She stands close to the windows and looks out at the view. She continues looking out the window until she finishes her coffee. She goes back to work after that and I watch for the next couple of hours as she sits at her desk mindlessly working. 

I follow her from her office building all the way home. She walks the same path she walked the previous day, in the exact same fashion. Head down, earbuds in, hands tucked into her coat. It seemed like everything in her life was a routine. From the way she got up in the morning, to the way she walked home after work. It was steady and consistent, and lifeless. 

What had happened to make this girl so closed off and alienated from all of the people around her? I could see it was obviously a conscience choice she was making, but _why?___

_ __ _

Perched outside her window, I see her organize herself the way she did the previous night. I watch her as she turns on the lamp, changes her clothes, refills her pet’s food bowls, lights a candle, and then sits on the couch with her phone in her hand. I waited patiently, and watched as she grabbed the remote off the couch and turned on the television. I was hoping to hear the music start the way it had the night before, and I didn’t have to wait long. 

I wanted to hear what she’s going to sing tonight. I enjoyed listening to her, but still it pained me to hear her sound so broken. She feels the words. When I listen to them, I know I am hearing her. She echoes every word she sings like she picked them out herself, like they are her own. Maybe she sings because she doesn’t have the right words herself, or maybe she just doesn’t know how else to express herself any other way. Either way, I think she’s even more beautiful when she performs.

Soon the music flows just as it had the night before. It starts just as slow as it did last night. This song has a similar sound as well. The tempo is a bit slower, but it’s just as lovely. 

_I put on my makeup for no one at all_  
_My heels on the hardwood echo down the hall_  
_I open the wardrobe, put my face in your clothes_  
_And I'm fine_

_I try to sleep, I just lie here awake_  
_I've stopped counting sheep, now I just count the days_  
_'Till you're back in this bed that I remake every time_  
_And if they ask, I'll say I'm fine_

_Just like the circus, you always leave town_  
_I can't help but cry when that big top comes down_  
_But I leave the light on and when you get back home_  
_We'll be fine_

_And I'll try to sleep but just lie here awake_  
_I've stopped counting sheep, now I just count the days_  
_'Till you're back in this bed that I remake every time_  
_And if they ask, I'll say I'm fine_

_They always say you don't get to choose_  
_The same old cliché, love chooses you_  
_So baby I'll wait just like I always do…_

This time she sounded even sadder than she had the night before. I wonder why that is? It didn’t seem like anything of significance happened today, but maybe that was it? That seemed kind of unlikely. If only I could just knock on her door and make it all go away…

I decided to leave her alone for the night. It wasn’t like she was going to do anything I hadn’t seen the night before. So I made my way back to the Inner Harbor to find something to eat. 

As I lean against the railing by one of the footbridges I can feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. The calls had become more regular recently. Even though I’d been gone for over a month, the calls hadn’t started until a couple weeks ago and I’d been casually dodging them like I always do. I ignored the call, but immediately it began vibrating again. I stared down at the insufferable thing and groaned. He wasn’t giving up tonight. I ignored the call again, and yet, it continued to vibrate in my hand. 

I don’t understand a person who annoys someone who obviously does not want to talk. I left for a fucking _reason_, and right here, these incessant calls were just the tip of the iceberg. I was so not in the mood to deal with Stefan’s self-righteous bullshit, but it seemed like he was not going to stop. I sighed and reluctantly picked up. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

“Hello Brother.” 

“Damon, I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks.” Stefan huffed in my ear. Someone was in a prissy mood tonight. 

“I’ve been busy. What do you want?” I huff back at him. My patience was not going to last long so maybe he would just get to the damn point and be done with it. 

“Are you ever coming home? We could really use your help here.” He said accusingly. 

I chuckled lightly, “Ah. Of course. You spent so long desperately trying to get me to leave, but when you need someone to come home and clean up whatever mess you and the Scooby Gang have got yourselves mixed up in then you want me around. Yeah, no thanks, I’ll pass.” 

This was so predictable. While I’m home, I am always the bad guy, but when they’re in trouble, they beg me for help. It’s pathetic. They need to learn to take care of themselves. 

He sighed heavily into the phone, “Fine. If you don’t want to come home and help your friends, I can’t make you. Can you at least tell me how you’re doing?” My friends? Seriously? Those dicks are not my friends. When have they ever treated me like I was their friend? Oh right, when they need me to save their asses. 

“Why do you care Stefan?” I roll my eyes at this question. 

“Some of us have been worried about you. We never hear from you.” 

“If I wanted to reach out I would. This conversation is pointless, I’m fine. Goodbye Stefan.” I go to hang up but I hear him yelling and even though he’s getting on my last nerve, I put the phone back up to my ear. 

“What?” I growl into the phone. 

“Can you just tell me where you are? Or what you’ve been so busy with? Something?” He asks desperately. 

Why is he doing this? I left so he could be alone with Elena and now he’s hanging onto my every word. Maybe there’s trouble in paradise? Before a few days ago, that simple possibility would have made me turn around and go home. But now, the ache in my chest is for someone else. 

“Fine. I’m in Maryland. Happy now?”

He sighs heavily in defeat, “Yeah I’m great. Bye Damon.” And he hangs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Credit: Fine by Kacey Musgraves 
> 
> FYI: There will definitely be some Stefan bashing, but I think he'll redeem himself in the end. Maybe some Mystic Falls Gang bashing too, but mainly just because of their treatment of Damon. Damon is just so misunderstood. . .and Stefan hasn't always been the best brother, but then again neither has Damon. Ugh, brother drama, but at least they won't be fighting over a girl.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, Chapter 3!
> 
> Fair warning, things get weird. There isn't really any non-con per say, I guess maybe slightly some dubious consent, but remember everything is from Damon's perspective, so even if he thinks something is true/accurate that doesn't necessarily make it true. 
> 
> So Bella is still depressed and makes bad choices, Damon is a jealous creeper, but hey he feels bad about it, so that's progress! 
> 
> I will add more tags as I add chapters.
> 
> This is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Chapter 3:

I don’t know what I was expecting tonight, but it certainly was not this. I can’t help but gawk at Isabella through the window. She’s wearing a very short black skirt and a black tank top that hugs her _oh so perfectly._ She’s clearly wearing some kind of push-up bra because I have never seen her chest look as glorious as it looks right now. Her hair is in loose waves down her back and I think she actually put make-up on. 

She looks hot. She looks delicious. 

After my irritating call with Stefan, I may have fed a little heavier than I normally did, but can you blame me? Dealing with Stefan is the bane of my existence. For most of my undead life I’ve devoted myself to one thing: To making Stefan’s life a living hell. I used to enjoy it — well some parts of it at least, maybe not all of it — but now it all seems so trivial. I had thoroughly convinced myself that I was tormenting him because he made me the way I am. He took away the last real choice I would ever get because he is a selfish narcissist. Stefan knew I would rather die than live like this, a soulless empty being, without Katherine. 

So, he threw a bleeding girl at me while I was in transition, forcing the choice out of my hands by way of weakness, and well you know the rest. 

It took me a long time to actually enjoy this life, and still I was plagued with boredom. When your original purpose in life suddenly changes or disappears like mine did, you can lose yourself pretty easily. There’s really only so much killing you can do before it just becomes repetitive. And now, I haven’t killed since I left Mystic Falls. Well a human that is. 

Isabella didn’t seem like the kind of girl who would be okay with me killing people, so I’ve been feeding and deleting. I know could always get some blood bags . . . there are a lot of hospitals in this city, but I’ve always been partial to taping a vein. Not that I wouldn’t be willing to adjust my diet, for the _right_ reason or person, yeah that could be arranged. 

Anyway, I had a good time on Friday night, and I was trying to ride that high as long as possible only to have it sky rocket some more. Saturday night comes around and this girl, Isabella, is all dolled up. My eyes are glued to her body like magnets, but that was certainly the point of this outfit. 

Her clothes screamed one thing and one thing only: I am having sex tonight. 

For a tiny split second I was hopeful. 

Maybe she’s going out and I can approach her in person and move this infatuation along. Because while I like watching her, I don’t like being associated with creeps and stalkers, and this peeping tom bullshit was starting to get to me. I wasn’t sure how long I could do this . . . and let’s be honest here, she’s kind of boring sometimes. 

Except for right now. Now she is definitely _not_ boring. 

She waits around watching some comedy show, while fidgeting on the couch, but she's not really paying attention. She sighs heavily and she keeps checking her phone every few minutes and . . . Oh no. 

It dawned on me. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it before, wishful thinking most likely. She must have called someone, and they were coming over. 

I swallowed heavily as I processed this realization. And immediately I jumped to anger and jealousy. 

I wanted to jump through the fucking window and stop this before it even started, but come on, that was _so_ not going to happen. For one, I hadn’t been invited inside, and two, she doesn’t even know me. So, I forced myself to calm down and waited. Unlike the other times I have waited and watched her, this time I was filled with emotions I did not usually experience. 

The anger, sure, jealousy, not for a while but yeah I’m pretty familiar with that feeling, and then there was the dread, that one was new. This feeling of impending doom because the girl I like is going to hook up with someone else. That thought alone is so immature I can’t stand it, not to mention it's an understatement. My feelings for this girl cannot be summed up with the word ‘like.’ No, this is more than _‘like.’_

I feel like a child even just thinking like this, but this is _so_ unfair. Some other guy is about to come over and have sex with her, and I have to sit here and watch it happen. 

Well okay . . . I don’t _have_ to, but I’m going to. 

I didn’t think it was possible for me to hit a new low, but Ding Ding Ding, we have a winner. This is the most fucked up thing I have done in the pursuit of a woman. For fucks sake, I shared Katherine with Stefan knowingly. 

But this really takes the cake and it was going to hurt like a bitch. 

About a half an hour later of annoying waiting, there’s a knock on her door. I groan as I wait for this asshole to come in the room so I can really judge the crap out of him. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi, come in.” Her voice is quiet. 

I can see the figure walk through the front door all the way down the hall. She shuts it and turns to him. She looks a little shaky at first, shifting from one let to the other and then she smiles, but I’ve been watching for a few days now, so I know that is not a real smile. I don’t think I’ve actually seen one of those yet. 

He walks behind her into the main room, and I just want to scream. He’s a classic meat head. He has short buzzed blond hair and more muscles than a typical gym rat. 

Where the hell did she find this guy? Is this what she likes? 

And I did not miss the way he stared at her legs in that skirt. God woman couldn’t you have worn _pants_? Well, that might not have gone any better, but they’re harder to get into at least. 

“It’s been a while.” He says casually as he sits down on the couch. 

Yup, they have definitely done this before. I groan, disgusted at the thought. 

She sighs and sits down next to him, “I know. I just wanted something familiar.” 

The ache in my chest that I have been so adamantly trying to ignore flares painfully when I hear her words. She was so desperate for a connection that she had to call an old fuck buddy? This is the extent of her friends? I shake my head at this. Oh man . . . she needs me more than I thought. But this guy has no clue. 

“I get that.” He says. 

Yeah, I don’t think you do buddy. 

They sit on the couch and she changes the show to something he likes. The sound plays in the background, mostly being ignored as they mainly talk about nothing serious. Everything stays on the surface, very casual. She hasn’t seen him in six months. 

Wow. 

She asks about his job, his house, his dog. Shit. She knew his fucking dog’s name. He says he got a promotion, moved into a new house. It’s not far from here.

Great for you buddy, no one cares. 

All I can think about is snapping this guy’s thick neck. 

Their conversation slows as he puts his arm around her, pulling her into his side. His body is blocking hers from my view, so I can’t see her face. He leans in to kiss her and it sounds sloppy and gross. 

My patience with this guy was really wearing thin, but there was nothing I could do. 

I stayed there perched on the ledge watching as he pulled her on top of him so she was straddling his legs. I watch him grind himself up into her soft curves, and the growl I feel rumbling inside can no longer be contained. 

If I can barely handle this, how was I going to handle the rest of it? Well, I would just have to suck it up because I am so not leaving. 

I let my anger simmer some more as I watched him pull her tank top down to reveal the black lacy push-up bra that I had been imagining. It was better than my imagination, but this was also torture. He held her tighter, rubbing his grubby hands over her hips and kissed noisily down her neck to her chest. 

And then I heard her moan. 

Huh. Wait a minute. That didn’t sound like a real moan. That sounded _fake._

I know what real moans sound like, trust me I’ve been around the block many times. And that was fucking _fake._ But the guy is completely oblivious. 

Before I could analyze the sound some more, I watched this dickhead slip his hand over her thigh and around to her ass, slipping under the back of her skirt, but before he could actually do anything more than grope her, she pushes back against his chest and slides not so gracefully off the couch. 

For one split second, I was ecstatic because I thought maybe she was going to stop this. But no. She pulled him along behind her down the hall and into her bedroom. Without the visual it was somewhat easier to handle, but still I could feel the rage coursing through me. 

I tried not to listen to the sounds I was hearing, but it was difficult. 

Instead I mainly focused on listening to Isabella’s heart-rate, which seemed relatively even throughout the entire night. And that was definitely odd . . . She was not portraying the typical signs of arousal. She was not excited or into this at all. Usually when a woman is aroused, the first thing I notice is the change in their scent. Obviously, I can’t smell through the window or brick, but on the couch there was no panting, blushing, perspiration, or anything that normally happens. 

All of her responses were artificial, or at least they seemed that way from here. 

From there my thoughts turned into an analysis of everything I know so far about Isabella, and while I didn’t have any solid answers yet, I could extrapolate from what I’ve observed.

I didn’t know for sure why she went through the trouble of calling up an old fuck buddy if she didn’t actually want to have sex with him. Maybe she wasn’t attracted to him anymore? That could certainly be a possibility. From what I saw she was just playing along, doing all the things two people would usually do in this situation. 

She said she wanted something “familiar.” 

That right there is not an ‘I’m horny let’s do this’ kind of reason to call someone to come over. No, she must be doing this for a different reason. Needing familiarity means she was seeking comfort, she was lonely, and this was the easiest solution. This was a safe choice. She called him and set this up, probably knowing he wouldn’t care if she was faking it or not, or maybe he can’t even tell. 

She just wanted someone there. 

From what I’d seen, there were no other constants in her life aside from work and her cat. So she got to a point where she had to reach out, because she was flailing, searching for an anchor to steady her. This was the result of her loneliness getting the best of her. She was so desperate for human interaction that she was offering up sex in order to satiate a need for physical contact even if it wasn’t the _type_ of physical contact that she really craved. 

As I thought about this I could feel the ache in my chest burn harder. She was so lonely she would do that. Not that I didn’t understand. But listening to her fake her way through this was just heart wrenching. 

It sounded like she was just letting this guy pound away without any regard to her needs. He was either completely oblivious to the fact that she was not enjoying this or he didn’t care. I’m going to assume it’s probably both because really? He did not look like a guy who gave a shit about girls’ feelings. 

I could hear the mattress moving, the consistent squeak as I imagined her laying there taking it like a rag doll. I could also hear the quick breaths she took every time he thrust inside of her, but still her heart-rate was mostly normal, barely even elevated which just confirmed for me that she wasn't really into this. She barely made a sound at all aside from some few slightly pained gasps and whimpers when he must have pushed extra hard into her or squeezed her too tight. 

I didn’t want to hear this. I tried not to listen as I waited for this torture to end. Finally, I heard her get up from the bed and walk to the bathroom. But I could still hear the sound of the guy grunting. I guess he was finishing on his own. 

That made me smirk. I was glad he wasn’t finishing with her. It was a tiny silver lining, but it was better than nothing. 

It’s not like he spent any real time trying to make _her_ feel good, so why the fuck should she feel the need to help him out? I was kind of proud that she didn’t feel obligated to do that. She might have invited him over, but she was not going to help him get off. Well not all the way. 

So, she _is_ strong, she can say no, and she did. Good for her. Too bad this whole thing couldn’t be erased, but at least she was doing what she wanted. 

Maybe she had enough of his shitty performance or maybe it was something else, either way I felt slightly less angry as I heard him grunt and come by himself. After that he was quickly ushered out of the apartment. He made no stops or comments as he cleaned himself off, dressed, and left. Yeah, he was not the cuddly type of dude. 

Well then again I haven’t always been the cuddliest vampire in the world. I am when I want something, but with Isabella I would be happy to lay there and hold her, no hidden motives. I just want to make her feel better. But I couldn’t do that yet. 

I would have to meet her soon. I need to come up with a plan and meet her in person. Lay some ground work and get this relationship moving because right now I only have a relationship with her window, and that is pretty one sided. And I hate it. 

When she comes back into the room, she’s only wearing black panties and a tank top. I can clearly see she is not wearing her bra anymore, she’s washed the makeup off her face, and she looks deflated. 

She turns off the long forgotten television, sits on the couch, and sighs heavily while she runs her hands over her face and through her hair. 

She's clearly upset, frustrated maybe? Unfulfilled perhaps? 

Oh how I wanted to climb through the window and fulfill every last one of her desires. Like some kind of sexy mysterious Prince Charming I would come gallivanting into her life and sweep her off her feet. Save her from every nightmare and finally bring her some much needed happiness. 

Oh well, one could dream. That’s what fantasies are for. And while I do want to be her knight in shining armor, I also wanted so much more than that. 

In a perfect world, she wouldn’t need my help at all, and while I know my presence alone won’t be able to actually fix whatever is wrong in her life, I hope that maybe just maybe I could make it better somehow. 

Now all I had to figure out was how to bump into her in a safe and friendly way that wouldn’t immediately freak her out. So knocking on her window in the middle of the night was definitely _not_ going to fly. 

Bummer that would have been such an easy option. But I knew this was never going to be easy. Nothing worth having has ever been easy, or at least not in my vast experience. 

I could try to stop her on her walk home from work, but I had seen how determined she was to ignore the strangers around her. The permanent placement of her earbuds to how tightly she kept her hands in her pockets, and of course how she barely ever looked up. No, that wouldn’t work either. 

So . . . if I couldn’t get to her on the way home from work, maybe I could find a way into her office . . . 

I felt the grin spread across my face as I contemplated just how I would do this. I had watched her at her office only once, but if I stuck around and really paid attention I bet there was a way I could get to her there. I had a feeling it was going to be quite the show. I only hoped she was ready for me by the time I did show up. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stay away from her. 

But even once I make the initial meeting, I will still have to wait it out. If I rush this, she could get nervous or she could run. That was the _last_ thing I wanted. No, I needed to be extra careful with how I approached Isabella Swan. There could be no room for mistakes. 

I watched her sitting there on the couch, wrapped up in her warm Sherpa lined navy throw. It looked warm, but it wasn’t the arms she wanted it to be. It was just a blanket, but hopefully soon, I could be that blanket. I would wrap her up in my arms and never let her go. 

Wow that sounds pathetic.

God if she rejects me I am so fucked. 

What would I do? Follow her around for the rest of her life? Watch her from the shadows as she slowly rebuilds herself enough to actually find some half decent human who will probably suck the life out of her all over again? 

No. I cannot let that happen. 

I will not fuck this up. We could talk about everything later, that is, if she even lets me in the door, but I’m getting way ahead of myself. I haven’t even met her in person yet. Wow, I really need to get control of myself or I might scare her away. I cannot place my issues on her, she does not need that. 

No, I will focus on her. This is about her, and hopefully when she’s ready she’ll want me back. That’s all I can hope for. 

I watch her sitting on the couch, illuminated by the single lamp in the large room. She picks up the television remote again and a few moments later I hear the familiar sound of music once again. Yes, this is most definitely how she unwinds, how she relaxes, how she lets go. This is her outlet, and I love listening to it. 

I watch her catch her breath, breathing deeply before I heard her voice begin to carry through the room. 

_I need to get more sleep, I been stayin' up all night_  
_Maybe when I drink, I need to stick to red wine_  
_I need to pick up the phone, see what' going on back home_  
_Just admit, when I'm with him, I still feel alone_

_I been going down a road that's a little too traveled_  
_I should find the common thread that makes it all unravel_  
_Like laying down my dollar just for a temporary high_  
_I got to quit bummin' cigarettes from the wrong guys_

_I should slow this train, and take my own advice_  
_Stop saying that someday, gonna make it right_  
_It's just a red light, it's just a wrong turn_  
_Another drag on a Friday night, it's about time I learned_

_I been going down a road that's a little too traveled_  
_I should find the common thread that makes it all unravel_  
_Like laying down my dollar just for a temporary high_  
_I got to quit bummin' cigarettes from the wrong guys_

Well, now it seems so obvious that she’s singing about herself. Almost every night she’s in there singing sadly to herself, completely unaware that I am watching her. I feel a little guilty again. 

I know these are private moments that I really don’t have any right to be involved in, and I know I will have to tell her everything. 

I will. I will never lie to my little swan. I will always tell her the truth because clearly someone has done something to her, and lies only make everything worse. I would know. I’ve been lied to and I’ve been betrayed. I know the scars and damage it can leave behind, and how hard it can be to overcome that pain. But I will help her. I will show her that she can be happy again. 

But again, baby steps. 

I’m not sure my situation could get any worse. Oh wait, actually if I was able to break into her apartment and watch her while she slept. Yeah, that would be worse. 

I know what I’m doing is a major violation of privacy, but at least I’m not that sick. No, I would have to wait until she invited me in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Credit: Bummin’ Cigarettes by Maren Morris
> 
> Well that was a bit painful for me, but at least Damon is coming up with a plan! Get ready for some recon and more stalking Bella! 
> 
> Maybe even some action? Who knows . . . 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Tell me what you thought!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 4!
> 
> It is finally happening! I have been waiting weeks for this. . .well actually a bit longer than that because I started writing this story months ago, but whatever! Things are progressing and I am so excited for you to read it! 
> 
> Less stalking in this chapter. Damon does his recon and then he finally meets Bella in person. 
> 
> I will add more tags as I add chapters.
> 
> This is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Chapter 4:

A couple weeks went by, and while I tried not to go to Isabella’s every night, I found it very hard not to. I had to make sure she got to and from work safely, but I did try to keep my distance as often as I could. I didn’t hang around her office every day, well except for when I was doing recon for my plan. And I have to say, getting into Isabella's office building is going to be _way_ easier than I thought. 

Yes they have security, but the loading dock out the back of the building is just wide open. Literally anyone could walk up and say, ‘Hi, I have a package for . . .' then you show them ID, which I will just compel them not to need, and in you go. 

I know I didn’t actually need to wait a couple weeks since the recon only took a few days, but I couldn’t resist watching her. I wanted to wait and see how she coped after the douche-bag incident. Almost immediately, Isabella had reverted back to the same routines that she had in place when I first saw her. Even her weekends just blurred by with the same boring nonsense. It was pretty sad how nothing significant ever seemed to happen to this girl. 

Well, then again, she hadn’t met _me_ yet. So soon that would change. 

Isabella spent a lot of her time reading, you know, when she wasn’t ‘watching’ television. Sometimes she would read aloud, and then she would comment on the story, almost like she was talking to someone else. She even used different tones of voice for the different characters. She didn’t act out the scenes like they were a script, but she did put emotion behind the lines as she read. With how well she spoke the lines, I thought she could have been a decent actress. 

Then I noticed she was doing it while she was watching television too, making comments not doing the voices. But she would only do it when she was really engrossed in whatever she was watching. And to be honest, I thought most of her comments were funny. I couldn’t help myself from chuckling every now and then, and it made the longing that much harder to push down. I continued to wish that I was in that room with her, enjoying whatever she was watching or reading. I just wanted to be close to her. I needed her next to me. I wanted to actually hear her laugh and speak to her rather than just watch like some weirdo. 

Yes, I will admit it is a bit odd, but I mean come on. What isn’t odd about this situation? There have been numerous odd things about this girl. That’s what I like about her. She is not ordinary, but she is depressed. 

So Isabella talks to herself, big deal? We all do it. We all have an internal monologue going on and on all day, every day. So she voices hers out loud, so what? She lives alone, it’s not like anyone would overhear her or see that she’s alone. And if she doesn’t have friends to talk to, I guess talking to yourself or your pet is a natural choice. 

I don’t know why I was rationalizing her strange behaviors. Well okay, I want to protect her and these odd quirks continue to remind me that my desire for her is not just physical. I mean yeah my mind can be a filthy place, that’s not news . . . especially that one time when she walked into the main room before she had finished putting on her shirt. _And_ she wasn’t wearing a bra . . . 

Okay, wow. Again with the Peeping Tom bullshit. It’s just gross. 

I have to stop doing that. I have to focus. 

Because today is an important day. Today I am going to meet Isabella. For real. In person. 

I am finally going to go to her office going and talk to her. 

I have been planning this out for the last couple weeks. I knew every little detail of what I had to do. 

Now, I just had to wait. I was getting really good at that, I’ve had a lot of practice recently. 

This whole situation has really taught me the value of patience. They really are a virtue. Who knew? Sure instant gratification is great, but working for something, waiting and biding your time, planning it out and having all the bases covered, yeah it feels good.

I was sitting on a bench outside the building by the back entrance where the pier was. There are a few good restaurants down here and some retail shopping. I haven’t explored this area too much; maybe Isabella would like to do that together. 

I smile, momentarily distracted by my daydream, but I quickly shake those thoughts away. Baby steps. I have to meet the girl to woo the girl. 

I was waiting for a bike messenger to come by. I knew the regular one who went to their floor pretty often. Last week he came by twice. The week before he came by four times. Pick-ups and drop offs equals more opportunities to see the lovely Isabella. 

It didn’t take long for him to show up, I knew he had a return from the day before, and he wanted to get that done quickly. Well too bad buddy, you’re going to sit this one out and let me do that for you. I watched him dismount from his bike and walk down the sidewalk, but before he went near the back entrance, I simply pulled him aside. He could sit down here and wait. I got the package and the clipboard and I was set. 

So far so good. 

Okay. Show time. 

I made my way through the large open warehouse entrance. I followed the long metal ramp and went to the security box. Perfectly normal. There in the little booth was the gate keeper. She didn’t look that scary, but she did look like she did not want to be there. Well we can’t all love our jobs. 

“Package for 20. It’s a return.” I said, smiling at the woman. 

“Can I see some ID?” 

I looked into the woman’s eyes and compelled her, “You don’t need to see ID.”

I watched her eyes glaze over before she responded, “You’re good, just a second. Sign this.” 

She handed me a log, so I quickly wrote the name of the messenger company and waited for the go ahead. She called up to the 20th floor and I could hear Isabella’s voice through the phone. 

“This is Officer Johnson at the loading dock, I have a messenger here.” 

“Send them up, thanks.” Isabella spoke quickly and then hung up. 

The call was quick and then I was free to go. Wow, that was way too easy. Well easy for a vampire, but still. They should really work on their security. I walked through the open door to my right and walked straight down the hallway following the obvious path to the elevator. 

I hit the up button and waited. God it was taking forever. Or I was just impatient. No, this is actually taking a while. I was standing there for at least five minutes before the elevator dinged. I ignored the few people who came out, then I went in and pushed 20. 

The ride up was much faster than I thought it would be. I should have prepared more while I was waiting. Crap, am I actually nervous about talking to a woman? 

But this wasn’t just any woman, this was Isabella Swan. Mysterious, odd, beautiful, alluring, sweet smelling Isabella. She’s my future, or at least the ache in my chest tells me she is. I had never heard of this type of pain before and honestly I wasn’t going to go looking for answers right now because I was too damn focused on trying to figure out how to get the girl without coming off as a huge creep. 

I could think about that later because I was here. I walked out of the elevator and there was a small receiver on the wall directly across from me. Above it a plaque said “For Deliveries Press the Intercom.” Well that was simple enough. I pushed the button and waited. God damn waiting. I fucking hate it. After a minute I pushed it again, and then I heard her. 

“Hi, can I help you?” 

Yes, yes, yes. You most definitely can help me. 

“I have a package.” I responded. 

Yeah I have a package alright. _Shit_, cannot have a boner when I meet the woman of my dreams. Calm down, have to stay calm. 

“Just a second.” 

Literally a second later, the door next to me beeped, and the red light next to the card reader turned green. 

Okay, I’m in. 

I walked through the door into what looks like a storage area. I follow it to a hallway and proceed all the way down. As I make my way down this long hallway I can feel the pull getting stronger. The ache in my chest is ebbing away with every step I take that brings me closer to Isabella. 

I was not going to fuck this up. No mistakes. Be your calm, casual, cool self. That shouldn’t be too hard. 

I pass by the room I’m supposed to go to for an escort, and turn to the door that leads to the main elevator lobby instead. I strode confidently through that last door and turned the corner to my right. 

And there she is. 

Her head snapped up at the sound of the door and immediately she perked up. Her eyes quickly swept over me from head to toe. Her brow immediately furrowed when she saw me. She looked surprised but also excited if the instant uptick in her heartbeat is anything to go by. I continued forward, trying my hardest to look as sexy as possible. Not like I have to try, but come on, this is important. I grinned a little wider as I watched her eyes rake over my body, slower this time, carefully taking in my appearance rather than quickly glancing over me, and then I was positive this time, I heard her heart-rate pick up. 

_Oh yes_. She liked what she saw. She was excited. 

She looked back to her screens as I got closer, and licked her lips discretely as the most beautiful blush I have ever seen slowly worked its way up her chest and graced her cheeks. I held in the moan as I saw her lick her lip. God I wanted to taste her. But I could think about that later, because now, it was _really_ show time. 

I stood in front of her large desk, and leaned against the ledge. 

Shit. I can do this. I have to do this. 

“I have a delivery for you,” I said as I looked down at the beautiful creature in front of me. God she smelled so much better than I remembered. Being this close to her, her scent was pure, stronger due to the blushing and unadulterated by anything in the air. This was all her. 

I handed over the large flat white envelope I’d taken off the real messenger. She reached out for it with a smile. 

“Thank you,” Her voice hitched just a little and I knew I was smiling way too much at that, but I couldn’t help it. I made her voice hitch. I made her heart race in her chest. I made her pupils dilate as I looked down at her. She cleared her throat and smiled again, “I haven’t seen you before, when did you start?” She asked politely while she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and looked up at me shyly. 

But I knew she wasn’t shy. She was anything but shy. 

“I’m just filling in. I’m Damon.” 

Technically that is _not_ a lie. Her eyes were still caught in my gaze, and just for a second I thought about compelling her, but I stopped. No, she is better than that. She is worth so much more than that to me. 

“I’m Bella,” Her voice hitched again just as she smiled. 

And god dammit I couldn’t stop myself, I want to swallow that smile, I want to see it forever, I never want it to end. 

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” 

She laughed slightly and rolled her eyes. Okay so I must not be the first one to use that line on her, but come on, it was so perfect. 

She looked back at me more confidently and raised an eyebrow at me, “Don’t you have something for me to sign?” She asked with a sassy little tone. 

I smirked back at her, “Yes, I do.” 

I handed over the clipboard; she quickly signed it and then handed it back to me. 

“Thank you.” She said and then she breathed in like she was about to dismiss me so I quickly asked her if she liked working at a law firm. 

“Yes I do. Do you like your job?” She asked politely once again. 

“I like it more now that I’ve met you,” I said in a slightly more serious tone. 

Her eyes widened just a bit and I could hear her heart jump at my words. Oh yes, she liked that. Well I have plenty more where that came from gorgeous, just come and get it. 

“Well maybe I’ll see you again. For another delivery.” She said as she smirked back at me. 

I chuckled lightly and smiled back honestly at her, “I hope so.”

“Have a good day, Damon,” She said with that same sexy smirk on her lips as her eyes dragged across my face, almost like she was looking for something, but I couldn’t tell if she found what she was looking for. 

“You too.” 

I hated walking away from her. I just wanted to grab her and go into a conference room, push her up against the wall, lock her in tight against my body, feel her warmth in my arms and against my skin. I wanted to worship her. 

With every step I took away from her I could feel the need getting stronger, the ache burning just a bit more than it did before. Now I knew what it was like to be in her presence and my body wanted more of it. 

But I had to go. This was just the first meeting. I will come back and I will find a way into her life. 

Before I reached the door, I couldn’t stop myself from looking back, and there she was staring hard at me. Her eyes were burning into me like she knew something I didn’t, but also filled with curiosity. She didn’t look away as I caught her eye. I smiled once more before I turned away and went back through the door. 

Overall I would say our first meeting went pretty well. I may have been a little corny, but she didn’t seem to mind that. And I certainly did not mind the way she stared at me. 

She didn’t try to hide it or look away. She may pretend to be a polite and shy young woman on the outside, but I could see something in her eyes. I knew she was wearing a mask, just like me, but hers was just decorated a little bit nicer than mine. She went for smooth edges and kindness, trying to blend into the background with her many routines and organized way of thinking. It was obvious she had some ticks, some obsessive compulsive behaviors with having everything in its place and keeping to her perfect schedule. 

I would definitely have to ask her about that. You know, when we actually get together in person. 

I had never been that close to her before, so I’d never got to look directly at her. But now that I had, I knew something was there. Something under the surface that she was desperate to keep locked away. It was there behind her eyes. With the way she was watching me with such a critical eyes. She was studying me, and I was studying her. 

I committed the entire experience to memory. I knew I would replay this encounter many times over in my mind. I’d go over the details later probably while she was asleep. Not that she had been getting a lot of sleep the last couple weeks. I wasn’t sure if this was a new thing or if perhaps somehow she was subconsciously aware of someone watching her. I hope my presence wasn’t making things worse. I never ever wanted to make anything worse for her. 

Later that evening, when Bella got home from work, she deviated from her routines. She did come into the main room and turn on the lamp and check the food bowls. But she didn’t change and then come back out to the main room like she would normally. 

Tonight I could hear her slowly taking off her clothes. She was moving so slowly I thought maybe she was tired, which was completely possible given her irregular sleep schedule. Then I heard her go into the bathroom and turn the water on, but instead of hearing the water spray from the shower-head, I heard the water begin to fill the tub. While the tub was filling up, she came back into the main room wearing only a navy silk robe that clung to her every curve. Her hair was tied up on her head in a messy bun. 

I had to calm myself as I watched her walk back and forth between the two book shelves. The way the robe flowed around her as she walked showed off her legs through the slits in the silk which made me groan. Instead of obsessing over her naked legs, I refocused on what she was doing. 

She was smelling candles. She was trying to find the right one. She had a good amount so it took her a few minutes, but eventually she settled on something, grabbed some matches and went back to the bathroom. 

She was in the bathroom now, the front hallway was dark, but I could see some light coming from the bathroom. A few moments later, the water shut off, and she turned off the light in the bathroom. I heard music start to play lightly in the background coming from her phone, but she was mostly just humming to herself. She wasn’t performing or trying to sound perfect or good. She was just relaxing in the tub singing to herself. She sounded content. 

This was the first time I’d ever witnessed her doing something purely enjoyable for herself. And I couldn’t help but think she was in a good mood because of me. Because we met today and my world would never be the same. I hoped this was because of me. 

I know she felt something when she looked at me, she might not know have known what it was, but she felt something and that’s all that mattered. Whatever that feeling was, curiosity, lust, confusion, it didn’t matter. Just the fact that she responded to me meant that all the tension and nerves I’d been feeling were real. 

I had a real reason to feel those things. Because now I knew for sure, this girl was not some passing fad or fling, no she was the real thing. Yeah I rhyme sometimes. When I’m in a good mood, and if Bella is content, then so am I. 

That night after her bath and before she went to sleep, she sang. But this time, it didn’t sound as sad as she had the past few times I heard her. The song was still slow and deep, but the words didn’t sound as sad and lonely as they usually did. They sounded almost hopeful. 

_I plant my seeds in these dirt roads_  
_I see myself in these cornrows_  
_I learn about love, I learn about pain_  
_Talking to God, praying for rain_  
_I found my wings in this Texas wind_  
_It picks me up to fly and knocks me down again_  
_There's some things in life you can't explain_  
_So I'm talking to God, praying for rain_

_So I can stand tall in a storm like a live oak tree_  
_No one in this world's gonna ever get the best of me_  
_Running down a dream like I'm chasing a train_  
_Finding who I am a little more every day_  
_'Cause I'm just a girl_  
_Talking to God, praying for rain_

_I see the world through my mama's eyes_  
_But I got my grandpa's stubborn pride_  
_And I hope that I never change_  
_So I'm talking to God, praying for rain_

_So I can stand tall in a storm like a live oak tree_  
_No one in this world's gonna ever get the best of me_  
_Running down a dream like I'm chasing a train_  
_Finding who I am a little more every day_  
_'Cause I'm just a girl_  
_Talking to God, praying for rain_  
_Yeah, I'm just a girl_  
_Talking to God, praying for rain_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Credit: Praying for Rain by RaeLynn
> 
> Isn't communication wonderful? A lot of this buildup is based in observation, and yes it can be a bit tedious, but I think it's necessary. There should be some more interaction soon!
> 
> Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you thought!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the delay! 
> 
> I was posting a new chapter every 10 days, but things got crazy at my office and I fell behind. Hopefully I can catch up a little. I will be away for a few weeks on vacation starting, so there may be another lull in updates. I'm going to try to post another chapter this week, but no promises, sorry guys. 
> 
> Alright people! Here we go, Chapter 5! 
> 
> Things are going to speed up. However, Damon is still desperate, Bella is happier, but still a danger magnet. And Damon needs to vent! 
> 
> I will add more tags as I add chapters.
> 
> This is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Chapter 5:

Things were going pretty well. I was still out on the ledge, perched and watching Bella, but for the past week she had been acting a little bit less depressed than the weeks before. One of the real differences I noticed, an actual improvement, she stopped walking home with her head down. 

Normally she would barely look up, not look at anyone, have zero interactions with the people around her, and kept her mask on tight. That girl was so tightly would I thought she might combust, but then she looked up. Her eyes were a little brighter and her lips weren’t as firmly pressed together as they usually were. 

I dare say, she almost smiled. A real one. 

Not the flirty ones I saw in the office. Those were beautiful and sexy for sure, but they were caused by a hormonal reaction to my presence. Her real smile is because of something she feels. Something had changed, and the only difference in her life that I could see, was _me_. 

I know, I know. 

Am I really that self-centered that I think a girl I met once is now suddenly not as depressed as she was before because she met me? 

Umm, yes? 

What other reason could there be? 

Okay sure, she could be texting someone or maybe she has a new friend at the office. Or maybe she found a new hobby. Maybe she’s on a new medication. 

Yeah I’d noticed those. They were in her bedroom and in her bathroom. I heard her take three at night, but she had recently started taking another. I mean, I guess it could be the medicine that’s affecting her, but there wouldn’t be a reaction that quickly. That’s not how SSRIs work; the medication has to build up in your system over a matter of weeks, and you have to keep taking it regularly for it to continue to work. 

So it probably wasn’t that. It could be psychosomatic, this new positive attitude. I mean that’s a stretch, she isn’t bouncing off the walls or laughing out loud. Maybe positive isn’t exactly the right adjective. 

But she is better. If it is only ever so slightly, fine. At least there’s an improvement. 

It’s so unusual for me to be this affected by a woman. Her gradual improvement has made me feel better too. Every time I see her with her head up and a small smile on her lips while she’s walking home in the low evening light, I want to take a picture so I can have that moment forever. It’s one thing to have a perfect memory, but it’s another to have physical proof of contentment. But I wasn’t going to take a picture of her that would be way too creepy even for me. I don’t need to do that, I see her every day. And if things keep progressing, hopefully I’ll be able to see that smile every day . . . someday. 

Yes, some might say I am being very presumptuous with this whole thing and that I really need a reality check. 

Well. Fuck you. 

I know this is crazy. I am completely aware of that fact. It has not escaped my attention. I know perfectly well how messed up this whole thing is, and if by some chance Bella does forgive me for being the despicable invasive person that I am, I will never ever do anything like this again. 

I mean, it’s one thing for vampires to stalk their prey, to taunt them and scare them, but Bella isn’t my prey. I am a predator, I know I can’t change that, but my goal is not to drain her. I mean sure, I would love to taste her blood, but I’m not going to lead with that. I’m not that stupid. I’m also not planning to kill her, unless she wants to change. I would love it if she would agree to be with me forever, but see there’s the crazy talk again because I’ve only met her once! 

Wow. 

I need a break. 

I need to give her a break too. 

I could ease up, only make sure she gets to work and home safely, and then leave her be at night. But then I might miss hearing her sing, and lately she has been singing faster songs that are more upbeat if not slightly angry. I like her voice when she sings that way. She does it well. But see, I don’t want to miss that, so what should I do? 

I can’t leave her alone completely; I would never survive the ache in my chest. No I needed to see her at least once a day to keep the pain to a minimum. I guess I could cut out the morning and just see her on her way home from work and at night until she goes to bed. She was safe in the morning; she barely spent any time outdoors until she was on her way home, so I wouldn’t have to worry about her too much. And if I get desperate, I can always check on her in the afternoon. 

Okay, so I had a new schedule. Bella would be so proud. 

I could do this. I can leave her alone for half the day. 

It wasn’t like I didn’t think she could get herself home, of course she could, but she could still attract unwanted attention, you know from the bad vamps out there, not me. It got dark when she walked home, I mean not completely dark, but the sun was definitely setting, so I had some reason to worry. She stayed late some nights, so sometimes it was darker than others. 

I had to make sure nothing happened to her on the way home. I was just being careful. 

I kept my trusty stake with me up my sleeve, just in case. After spending so much time around Alaric, you start to keep little things around for protection. Not that I didn’t love a little impromptu break and stake, but this was better, more reliable. 

I guess Ric was the only person I actually missed back in Mystic Falls. 

Stefan had made it sound like multiple people had asked about me, or maybe he was lying to get me to tell him something. I don’t know. I could call Ric, but then I would be too tempted to spill about Bella, and I was not ready for that. No, I had to actually be something to her before I start thinking about mentioning her.

Well, there was still room for progress. I was hoping to stop by her office again soon, maybe next week. I wanted to give her some time, see how long the effects from our first meeting lingered. She seemed lighter most of the week after we met. Still there was some sadness that seeped out while she was trying to go to bed. 

Night time is always rough for us damaged souls. At night it was hard not to think about all the things that have gone wrong, all the people that you miss, all the reasons you feel so bad. Yeah, I was familiar.

But every morning she did get up, and she went to work. She put herself together and smiled for the people in her office like it was just another day. I started following her home from her building. She liked to walk around the pier. I don’t know if she was taking the most direct route home, but she didn’t seem to mind it. She only ever seemed slightly out of breath when she went up those stairs at her building. It was practically a two story staircase that did not incline slowly. 

We were by the parking garage now, it’s huge. It’s for the office buildings around here, the piers, the bars, and the restaurants. You get it. It’s big. I actually had my car stored in there. I haven’t used my baby in a while. I’ll have to use it soon. Maybe take Bella on a drive. 

Bella left work a bit later tonight, but I didn’t mind waiting for her. That’s kind of my thing. If you don’t know that by now you clearly have not been paying attention. 

I liked it better when we walked home before the sun completely set because then I could watch the sun shine in her hair and bring out those pretty red highlights. I like those. She has gorgeous hair. But oh well, night time is fine too. There was a lot of light by the harbor, but by the garage things were a bit less illuminated. She didn’t care. 

Everything was going _fine_. 

And then, not so much. 

I noticed him almost immediately. Someone was following Bella. He was not conspicuous at all. Not one bit. He was kind of tall, wearing a black hoodie and raggedy ripped jeans. He was following way too close to her. I did not like that. 

But she continued walking, completely oblivious. I wasn’t sure how long he planned to follow her, but I was not going to wait and find out. I don’t know what the hell he was thinking, but there was no way in hell I was going to let anyone lay a hand on her. 

I made sure no one was looking and sped up toward him, grabbing his arm and stopping him from walking. He didn’t resist as I tightened my grip on his arm. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” I sneered in the guy's ear. 

He turned his head slightly and looked back at me smirking. Then I saw his eyes turn slightly red and black like he was about to drop fang, attempting to either intimidate me or scare me, I don’t know, but I was not happy. 

This little shit thinks I’m scared of him? Oh yeah, come on. 

I held onto his arm tighter than necessary and zipped into the parking garage, dragging the insolent fool behind me. He didn’t fight me, maybe he was young or maybe he was just stupid. He got right back up after I threw him into one of the concrete walls.

“You didn’t answer my question.” I sneered again. Clearly this guy was not getting the message. 

“So? What are you going to do about it?” He asked, trying to taunt me. Clearly he thought he had the upper hand for some reason. 

Okay maybe he is just young and stupid. _Perfect_. 

“Hmm, wrong answer,” I growled. 

Not that there was a right answer to my question, any answer would equal a stake to the heart. 

I didn’t give him an opportunity to talk again. No, I was not having this tonight. Bella had been doing well, we made progress, and this asshole was not going to come in and try to take a bite out of my girl. So I staked him. It took all of two seconds and then he was turning grey and veiny. 

Problem solved. Alaric would be proud. Maybe I should give him a call. 

Well, there was a reason I brought the vamp into this garage. Another reason, not just to kill him. Obviously that, but also because my car is here and I have to get rid of this body.

I had thought about this before. There really is no easy way to get rid of a body in the city. I can’t really bury it anywhere, I can’t drown it, and there’s no place secluded enough to burn it. So I have to take it out of the city, and do it the hard way. 

I hate putting dead things in my car. I really hate it. It always leaves behind a smell that takes forever to fade, but oh well, the things you do for love, eh? 

My car wasn’t far, so I just grabbed an arm and ran. I popped the trunk and laid out the tarp I kept there for this exact reason. I did not want anything getting on the inside of the trunk, that would make the smell take even longer to get out, and I’d have to get it cleaned. 

I dumped the guy in and shut the trunk. It didn’t take long to get out of the city. The parkway was always empty after rush hour, so I made good time. I went about an hour away, up north to Susquehanna State Park, not too far, so I still had time to get back tonight to check on Bella. 

I wonder if she had any idea how close to death she was tonight? Probably not, but you never know. Maybe she noticed the guy and just kept walking, hoping he would go away. Well he did go away. 

And now ladies and gentlemen we return to our regularly scheduled program of Damon Waiting. 

Seriously. . . More waiting. Waiting for the body of this idiot to burn was going to take a little while. 

I hoped Bella wasn’t asleep by the time I got back. I still had a few hours, but I’d have to drive back and put my car in the garage and then go to her. I better hurry, not that I could make the body burn faster. Or, maybe I could. 

I knew there was a bottle of Scotch under one of the seats; I’d stashed it there a while back, and just sort of left it there in case I ever needed emergency Scotch. Or if I had a Scotch emergency. You know, when the only solution to the problem is to drink a lot of Scotch. I’ve had a lot of those over the years. 

Ric gets it, maybe you don’t, but that’s okay. 

One day you might. 

I went back to the car and got the bottle. I took a sip because I mean, come on, it’s me. As I was walking back, the thought of calling Ric passed through my mind again. 

I guess I could call him now. I have met Bella, I wouldn’t spill everything, but I needed to tell someone. I didn’t want this to be a huge surprise when I brought her home. Yeah I know, jumping the gun again. 

I dumped some of the liquor on the fire and watched as it engulf the body some more and the flames rose higher. I pulled out my phone and took a deep breath. Oh man, this is going to be interesting. I dialed Ric and leaned against a tree watching the fire consume the asshole who tried to kill my girl. 

“Damon, you don’t call, you don’t write, I was starting to think you forgot about us,” Ric’s chuckled lightly, but his voice sounded a bit rough, like maybe he’d been sleeping or just hadn’t used his voice in a while. 

That’s how Ric always starts these calls. Yes I know I’m a dick, I’m bad at communication, I don’t keep in touch. That’s just me. This isn’t news people. 

I chucked a bit in return, “Yeah, I know, but this time I have a reason.” 

“Oh really? Do tell,” He replied, sounding intrigued. 

“Well . . .” I sighed and cleared my throat. Just do it. Just say it. He’ll listen. He’s your only friend. “Okay, I met someone.”

“Damon, you meet a lot of someone’s.” He sounded like he was rolling his eyes at me. 

“Yes I know that, but not anymore. Ric, I’m serious. This is the one. This isn’t like Katherine or a carbon copy. The real one.” I tried to sound as honest as possible and wow did that sound really serious. I think I need some more Scotch. 

“Are you okay? You sound really tense Damon. Who is this girl?” He asked. 

He was so right, I am tense. I’m fucking losing my shit. This dick almost killed her. If I hadn’t been there it would have been over and Bella would be gone before I ever got to . . . to do anything with her. 

The pain in my chest was getting really bad. I thought drinking might help, but I guess not. 

“Look, it’s complicated. This girl, she’s everything I never knew I needed or wanted. But things are moving slowly Ric. We’ve only met once, and I’m losing my shit. Tonight I grabbed some baby vamp off the street who was about to grab her, and I staked him in a fucking public garage Ric. I don’t know what to do,” I rushed out the words, barely taking a breath as I spoke. 

I knew I sounded crazy. I’d never really talked like this about a woman before so maybe he would take it seriously. 

“Okay, did you take care of it? Clean it up?” He asked. 

“Of course. I’m burning it right now. I need to go back and check on her though, but I can’t leave until this is done. Ric I’ve been waiting patiently for weeks, but I don’t think I can do it anymore. I feel unhinged. Like I might go feral and just grab her.” 

“Just calm down. Cool off, get a drink. You did the right thing. You protected her. Damon, do you love her?” He asked in a calm tone, no hint of sarcasm or humor at all. 

I don’t know when it happened or if I always did. Maybe I did from the moment I saw her. Either way, of course I love her, but should I tell him? It’s kind of obvious with the way I’m talking about her. There’s no point in hiding it. 

“Yes, I do. And I have a plan, sort of, but it’s taking too long. I’ll see her again next week, I mean, I’ll talk to her again next week. I see her every day.” I said in a way too casual tone. Yeah, Ric was not going to buy that. 

“Damon…what are you doing with this girl? Does she even know what’s happening?” He sounded disappointed in me. Yeah, well he should be. 

“No, I mean, I don’t know. She’s something else Ric. I can smell it, just barely, and she hides. She never goes anywhere but to work. She goes home the same way every day. Her life is one big routine. She’s hiding from something, but I don’t know what. I’m trying to find the best way to get to know her without freaking her out. I might be failing at that though,” I chuckled. 

Shit, that’s not funny, this is serious, I need to get my act together and figure this out. 

“Okay. Look, this is obviously really important to you or you wouldn’t have told me. I assume you haven’t told anyone else?” 

“Yeah, I can’t, not yet. This needs to be something before I do that, which means more waiting, fucking fantastic,” I muttered to myself. 

“You don’t want to scare her away. You need to control yourself, rein in whatever nonsense your thinking, and focus on what you want this to be. Relationships go both ways Damon. Just because you feel this huge thing, doesn’t mean she will feel that way the moment you reveal everything. Love takes time. Love takes effort and so do relationships. I know you’re not that great at them, but maybe now is the time to learn. Have you spoken to Stefan or anyone else recently?” He asked. 

“Stefan calls, but I ignore him, most of the time. I told him where I was, but nothing else. Thank you Ric, I really needed to tell someone about this. It’s not that I want this to be a secret. I want everyone to know, but I have to figure out all the details first. I appreciate the pep-talk.”

“You’re welcome Damon. Anytime, you know that. I’m just a call away. And hey, whenever you and the girl figure it out, bring her home. I’d like to meet her. It’s not every day a woman slays Damon Salvatore and turns him into a love sick puppy,” I could hear the light teasing in his voice, but still Ric was always genuine. 

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. Just keep this to yourself, for now.” 

“Of course, Damon. I’m a vault. Alright, call again if you need something,” He said and hung up. 

I finished up at the park and made my way back to the city. It was almost midnight by the time I got to her window and it was dark. I settled on the ledge anyways.

I needed a break. You’d think staking a vamp would reinvigorate me, like it used to, but now all I think about is Bella. If I hadn’t been there for whatever reason, she would be dead right now or worse, I don’t know and I don’t want to think about it. But yeah, my mind won’t stop picturing all the terrible things that could have happened to her. 

Ric said I need to focus, right. Focus on the goal. The goal is to meet the woman of my dreams and somehow get her to fall in love with me. Perfect, that doesn’t sound hard at all. 

I know I’ve been losing it lately, but it’s just it feels like things are progressing and maybe I’m not ready. 

Maybe I’m not changed.

Maybe I’m not good enough for her. 

Maybe I can’t help her. 

Maybe this is all a waste of time and she’s going to reject me. It’s happened before, why wouldn’t it happen again? 

I have spent so much time guarding myself and my heart from everyone around me that now when I truly need to open up and accept someone new into my life, my traitorous mind is fighting against my heart, trying to pull me back and protect me from making a stupid mistake. 

I’m so lost in thought that the sound of her lone voice doesn’t reach my ears right away. There’s no music, but she’s singing. It sounds like she’s lying in bed and singing. The sound comes out differently, almost lower when you sing in a horizontal position. I think it’s actually bad for your vocal cords, but whatever. She’s not singing very loudly, but I can still hear it. 

_Weather man said it's gonna snow_  
_By now I should be used to the cold_  
_Mid-February shouldn't be so scary_  
_It was only December_  
_I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me_

_But you went away_  
_How dare you, I miss you_  
_They say I'll be okay_  
_But I'm not going to ever get over you_

_Living alone here in this place_  
_I think of you, and I'm not afraid_  
_Your favorite records make me feel better_  
_'Cause you sing along with every song_  
_I know you didn't mean to give them to me_

_But you went away_  
_How dare you, I miss you_  
_They say I'll be okay_  
_But I'm not going to ever get over you_

_It really sinks in, you know_  
_When I see it in stone_  
_'Cause you went away,_  
_How dare you, I miss you_  
_They say I'll be okay_  
_But I'm not going to ever get over you_

Her voice is pained again, but not the way it had sounded before we met. This sounded like a different pain, not a heartbreak, no this felt like something worse than that. This sounded like the other bad things I didn’t want to think about that could have happened to this girl to make her this way. 

This sounded like sadness and loneliness and an empty hollow hole trying to consume her, eating away at any and all of the good things in her life. 

I just hoped I could be strong enough to pull her away from the ledge and put her right back on her feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Credit: Over You by Miranda Lambert 
> 
> I enjoyed this chapter because I like seeing Damon protecting Bella (even though Bella can't see it) by demonstrating his worth. But also for another reason that you will find out about later in the story! 
> 
> Keep in mind you have about zero real facts about Bella so far, so everything is simply speculation from Damon's point of view. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Tell me what you thought!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so it's been over a month since I updated and I am so sorry about that. My new job has really started to take up all my free time, so I will post when I have time. I still have a few more chapters already written. Hopefully it won't be another month. 
> 
> Okay, here we go Chapter 6! 
> 
> Previously we saw Damon being a hero and having a chat with Ric. Damon is determined to move this non-relationship along so it's a real relationship, and Bella is just happy she gets to see the mysterious delivery guy again. 
> 
> I will add more tags as I add chapters.
> 
> This is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Chapter 6:

After I talked to Ric and checked on Bella, I felt myself begin to calm down. Or maybe it was all the Scotch. I don’t know, but either way, I felt a bit better. Lucky for me, there was a liquor store right across from her building. Even though it looked kind of sketchy, they still had some decent stuff. However, right now I didn’t really want the good stuff, so I bought low level shit and got out of there.

I sat drinking on the ground next to the ledge by her window between some cars. Yeah, I know, not the greatest place to drown my sorrows, but I just want to be close by. I had resisted turning to alcohol to solve my problems . . . well only since I met Bella . . . Okay since I saw Bella whatever. I had been doing okay, but when that vamp tried to grab her, I snapped. My resolve disappeared and I grabbed that Scotch like it was a lifeline.

Even though I took care of the threat, a part of me is wondering how long it will be before something like that happens again. I can’t do anything to mask her scent, so she’s a walking target. And with a scent like hers, it’s no wonder that girl attracts so much attention. Human and Supernatural.

I hate that I can’t protect her all the time. I wish I could do more. I wish I could guarantee that no other vampires would try to hurt her. But with the way she smells, it was just a matter of time. Another reason I want our relationship to progress because if I’m with her, I can actually protect her. And yet this way, I’m just trailing behind the whole time and it sucks ass.

At least this time, she can rest easy. And next time, I’ll be there again. I won’t let her get hurt. I can’t. If she dies . . . I probably won’t be able to live with myself. I’m already difficult to handle, but she’s been like a light in the dark. She doesn’t even know it, and she’s helping me. She’s been helping me since I first saw her.

I will do anything she wants. I will do everything she wants. There really isn’t anything she could ask of me that I would say no to.

Of course, if I tell her that too soon she might just tell me to get lost. And I would listen because I’m devoted to her happiness. Her happiness is my happiness, well except if she rejects me, then you know…well I don’t want to think about that. It would be bad. For me. Not for her. She’d be fine. Unless she changes her mind and it’s too late. I could never hurt her even if she did reject me.

I’ve been rejected a lot, I mean the most notable would be Katherine, but everyone knows that. You know, you’d think I’d learn my lesson after pining for the same woman for 145 years just to find out she never wanted me in the first place. But, she wasn’t the first to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough.

No, that started with my father.

No matter what I did, or said, he always shut me down and belittled me. He always favored Stefan over me, just like the women in our lives, big shocker there. I thought I’d gotten over it, but of course when I drink too much, not that there’s such a thing, but when I’ve had quite a lot, I unfortunately think of my father and all the ways I disappointed him.

If he could see me now he’d probably laugh at me. At how pathetic I am. I mean really? Seriously waiting outside a girl’s window just hoping to catch a glimpse of her? That is not who Damon Salvatore is.

That is pathetic and I know it, in my head I know it, but my head is not in charge right now. No, this is all about my stupid fucking heart. This organ has caused me so much damn pain in both of my lifetimes, dead and undead. I mean could I pick worse women?

Of course, I mean the ones _before_ Isabella. She’s amazing. She’s perfect. She’s everything.

But the others. What was I thinking? Oh right, I was thinking with my dick. So my dick and my heart team up against my brain and decide to torture me by picking women who will ultimately realize I am not what they want, no not the bad guy, they want someone like Saint Stefan. The sweet and good-natured one, yeah right see him drink human blood and then watch and see what he turns into. I promise you it is not ‘good.’ Stefan is nothing but a lion in sheep’s clothing and I seriously think he’s going to kill a lot of people when he loses it again. And then, of course, I’ll have to clean up after him, _again._

But before these women let me in on what they decided they want, by then it’s usually too late for my heart because I’ve already grown attached. Like an idiot.

I don’t really believe in God, but if I did, I would be praying so hard right now that this all works out. I know I sound like a pansy, and you know what, for Isabella, I would be anything. Doting devoted boyfriend, sure. Hot sex maniac, yes please. Someone to listen and wipe her tears, any time of the day. Someone to hold her while she sleeps, I can’t think of anything I would rather do for the rest of my life. Even if she wants me to be no one to her, I’ll do that too.

I know, I sound obsessed. And I know I am, but this is just the kind of thing that you can’t prepare for. I had no idea I was ever meant to meet someone special. I didn’t even think it was possible for me to be worthy enough to be given such a gift. But that’s what this is. I don’t have another explanation for this.

Maybe it’s fate or maybe it’s destiny. Maybe it’s just dumb luck, but whatever it is, I can’t give up on it until I’ve actually told her how I feel. She needs to know that she has an option. She doesn’t have to live her life secluded and depressed stuck in her apartment afraid to go anywhere on her own. If she wanted—and I’m doing that thing that’s like praying but without the God part— she could live her life with me. I would give her anything and everything, but I have to tell her for her to know.

And so I’m stuck biding my time and meandering my way into her life.

She deserves better, and I will apologize until I’ve run out of breath, not that that’s possible, but you know what I mean. I will apologize until she sees the truth. Until she sees the real reason I have been doing what I’ve been doing. Because I’m in love with her, and I can’t imagine living my life without her.

Yes that is going to sound fucking insane coming from someone she’s only met a few times, but hey, what do I have to lose? Oh right, everything! But really, the worst thing is she rejects me, and maybe if I’m lucky, she’ll give me a chance to explain myself. That’s all I want. I just want a chance to do this the right way, but since I’ve fucked that up, I want the chance to tell her how I feel.

My secrets be damned, she can know them all, I don’t care. If she wants to stake me herself, I’ll let her. As long as she talks to me. That’s all I want.

It’s the middle of the week again and I have put off going to her office long enough. I know I’m a little bitch. I whine about wanting to be with her all day and then when the time comes, I clam up like a scared little girl. Yeah well, feelings are hard to deal with, especially when they’re mine. My feelings have gotten me in a lot of trouble over the years, and this is the scariest most important woman I have ever had feelings for, so forgive me if I’m freaking out.

Luckily, once I got my big boy pants on, I felt way better. My big boy pants also came with Scotch. Okay it was just the Scotch that made me feel better, but I digress.

Walking back into her building was the best feeling I’ve had since I was last here. Honestly, nothing else compares to the anticipation of seeing Bella again. You know I’ve been stressing a lot about all of this and I realized, just telling myself to calm down doesn’t always work.

Sometimes you actually have to talk about the things that are causing you the stress.

I know, groundbreaking.

But, I’ve never been one for therapy. Although it probably would have helped me a lot over the years, if I’d tried it. The issues with my father, Katherine, and even Stefan, they pile up and I go postal. I overreact and I hurt people. I take the pain out the only way I know how, with my fists and fangs.

Maybe if I’d worked harder on myself, I’d be able to control myself better. Maybe if I hadn’t been so hell-bent on destroying Stefan’s happiness for so long I could have seen that I was really destroying myself. I know Stefan had his reasons for forcing me to go through with the transition. I know he didn’t want to be alone in this world. He needed me, and I failed him.

Well, I wasn’t going to fail anymore. I would not fail Isabella the way I failed Stefan. I would never leave her or abandon her or betray her.

If my palms could get sweaty they probably would be right now. Just walking down this stupid long hallway is making me nervous. She’s so close. The ache in my chest is lessening and I feel good.

I turn the corner and go for the door. And then I see her, but this time she’s not alone. She’s talking to another woman I have never seen before. Bella sees me and immediately perks up the way she did the first time I saw her, and I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face.

“Shit, he’s here again. Go!” She hisses at the girl by her desk. Oh, she’s been talking about me huh? Well maybe she does have one friend.

The girl takes a quick look at me and just smiles knowingly, but I don’t care, she’s not Isabella. She walks away and I lean against her desk and look down at her.

“Hey gorgeous.”

I see her smile threatening to break through the hard line on her lips that she’s really trying to keep, but it’s not working. I can see the smile in her eyes and she just shakes her head and rolls her eyes at me.

“Hey yourself. I haven’t seen you in a bit,” she says trying to sound casual, but I can see right through that. 

So she has been thinking about me, I knew it. She is at least somewhat affected by me enough that she cared to notice my absence, and tell one of her office friends. That alone makes my heart soar but I got to keep that shit under control. I have to stay calm and cool.

“I’ve been around. I have a delivery for you,” I hand over the large white envelope and watch her put it next to her on the desk not even bothering to look away from me.

“Thank you,” she says sweetly, keeping her eyes locked with mine.

Neither of us says anything for a moment. I know the silence is odd, but I don’t want to leave and I don’t want to give her the clipboard to sign, because if I do that our time will be up. So instead I carefully flirt while tip toeing around the fact that I’m crazy about this girl.

“You know Bella, this is my favorite stop. I wish I came here more,” I say with that sexy smirk all the girls love.

And she’s sitting there biting her lip and fluttering her beautiful eyelashes at me. Dear lord, just shoot me now.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” She asks shyly, but I can hear her heart-rate pick up as she waits for my answer.

I don’t think. I just open my mouth and let the words fall out.

“Because I get to see you. I get to see your beautiful eyes. The eyes that I think about all the time. The only other place I get to see them is in my dreams, and Bella, my dreams don’t come close to the real thing.” The words just flowed right out with barely a breath in between sentences. 

Oh shit.

That was way too much. Her mouth has fallen open in shock and she has every right to be shocked. What the fuck did I just say? What was I thinking? I can’t backtrack out of this, I don’t know what to do, but she does.

She recovers and smiles and blushes like crazy. “I think about your eyes too. I’ve never seen a blue so…perfect.” Her voice is quiet, a bit breathy and she’s unsure of herself, but she means it. She wouldn’t say that unless she meant it.

What the fuck do I do now? I was really not expecting her to say that. I mean wow. Could she have had a better response? I don’t fucking think so. God, she’s perfect. And she thinks my eyes are perfectly blue.

“Here,” I hand her the clipboard because I don’t know what else to do.

This feels like too much, my heart hurts, you know the good kind of hurt, where you’re so excited you can’t make it stop pounding in your chest. Yeah that kind of pain times a thousand.

She licks her lips slowly and hands the clipboard back to me after quickly signing, and I know my eyes are stuck on her mouth, but I can’t look away. Oh I want to kiss her. I want to know what that feels like. My eyes go back up to hers when she speaks again.

“I hope I see you again,” she says. Her eyes turn just a little bit glassy and I can see an emotion there that I haven’t seen from her before. She has hope. She wants this. She wants to see me again.

Oh you will. You will. Soon.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I smile down at her and she smiles back that sexy smirk I’m starting to hope never comes off her face.

“Have a nice day, Damon.”

“You too Bella.” I say wistfully and slowly back away from her desk, heading for the door.

I’m so elated I can’t even process anything else around me but the words we just shared. She wants to see me again, and she didn’t say for a delivery, not like last time. This was different. This was on purpose. She wants to see me again on purpose.

I was having a hard time controlling myself before I saw her today, but now, I am so utterly fucked. Really, I mean how the hell am I supposed to wait to see her again? I need a distraction from her, but I’m too afraid to leave her alone. I don’t want to ever leave her alone.

Okay, maybe I should call Ric again. That sounds like a smart plan. It’s the middle of the afternoon and he’s probably at school, but whatever. I need to unload this and I need to do it fast because I think I’m going to physically explode with joy.

That’s not a real thing, but imagine if it was. That’d be interesting to watch. A person explodes and it’s just sparkly confetti everywhere.

Wow, I need to focus.

Ric was so right. I need to keep my eye on my goal. Stop letting all the details overrun my thoughts. I dial his number and wait. It rings, and rings, but I don’t think he’s picking up today so I hang up.

For split second, I think about calling Stefan. And then I realize that would be a huge mistake.

He would think I’m crazy or lying or manipulating this girl. He would tear it down before I even got it together. No, Stefan is not the person to call. But, hey, lucky me, my phone is ringing and Ric is calling me back.

“Hey man,” I say a bit too excited.

“Hey you sound happy, what happened?” Ric asked.

“I saw her again Ric. I said some stupid romantic shit about her eyes and dreaming about them and how they’re so much better in person. I thought I was going to die for a second and then she said she thinks about my eyes too and she thinks they’re the most perfect blue she’s ever seen,” I say almost out of breath. Oh my god I sound like an idiot. I’m talking way too fast, I sound like I’m on drugs. I feel almost hyper.

“Wow. That’s good! That’s great! Look at you taking strides with the girl. I’m proud of you,” Ric says, and I can actually hear the smile in his voice.

For some reason, hearing that from Ric makes me really grateful that he’s my friend. See Stefan would never have responded like that.

“I know, but now comes the even harder part. I have to wait for an opening or something to see her again, and then I’ll tell her. I’ll tell her everything.”

“You can do this Damon. But, what exactly do you mean by ‘everything’?” He sounds worried.

“Ric I mean everything, everything. She has to know who I am, what I am. I will not lie to her. Ever. She doesn’t need more lies, and I can’t start a relationship, especially one as important as this one, on a lie.” I tell him honestly.

“Okay, if you’re sure then do it. I’ll support you. But seriously, I want to meet this girl, so don’t fuck it up,” he says seriously.

“Come on Ric, that’s been my mantra since I started this whole thing. I can’t fuck it up now, not when I’m so close to actually being with her.” That thought alone makes my smile widen. Wow I haven’t smiled this much in…ever?

“Well good. I’m glad you’re at least halfway thinking straight. Have you been drinking?” Ric asked. 

“Well I haven’t fed on a person in a couple of weeks, and before I called you last time, I hadn’t had a drink since I met her.”

“Really?” He sounded shocked.

“Yes. I figured, once she knows everything, it would be good for me to be able to say I’m on the bagged diet and I have control of my alcoholism,” I say and roll my eyes.

“Wow. That’s like actually considerate of you,” he says with a chuckle.

“Hey thanks man. Way to sound so surprised. I can do something right you know.” Unbelievable.

“Well, I’m happily surprised. It sounds like this girl is good for you. I hope everything works out. Let me know,” he says.

“I will, thanks Ric,” I say with a smile.

“Anytime Damon,” Ric says and the call ends.

The rest of the day I feel like I’m floating on air. I don’t do much but sit in the sun and wait for Bella to come out of work. I’m curious what she’s going to do tonight after our interaction earlier. She comes out before she usually does and instead of immediately going home, she walks to one of the stores near her office.

Well there’s a difference right there. I don’t stalk her while she’s shopping; I just keep waiting until she comes back out. I’m glad she’s doing another thing for herself. This is a good sign. It means my presence in her life is already having an effect and she might not even know it.

Walking home behind her today was nice. She seemed happy and smiled a bit more. I couldn’t wait until that smile was directed at me. When she gets home everything is pretty much the same. While she seemed happy on the way home, now she just seems I don’t know, suddenly somber?

I had been looking forward to what she was going to sing tonight, and I thought maybe it would be another upbeat faster song, but it’s not. It’s not terribly sad though, it’s just kind of lonely and I guess that makes sense.

_Usually a drink will do the trick_  
_Take the edge off quick, sitting in the dark_  
_With a shared cigarette_  
_Seeing eye-to-eye, and heart-to-heart_  
_But maybe I’m just getting old_  
_Used to work but now it don’t_  


_A long gone drive_  
_You know the kind where you take a turn and you don’t know why_  
_But it clears your mind, a surefire cure_  
_I need something stronger_  
_That’ll last a little longer_

_I could use a love song_  
_That takes me back, just like that_  
_When it comes on_  
_To a time when I wouldn’t roll my eyes_  
_At a guy and a girl_  
_Who make it work in a world_  
_That for me so far just seems to go so wrong_  
_Yeah I could use, I could use a love song_

_I wish I didn’t know so much_  
_I peeked behind the curtain_  
_Now that magic rush_  
_Feels like a trick that isn’t working_  
_But I haven’t lost all hope yet_  
_Yeah it’s hurting but it ain’t dead_

She needs someone. She needs me. I will follow her home every day until I see an opening and then I’m going to pull her aside and tell her the truth. I have to do this soon. I can’t wait anymore. I don’t want her to have to wait anymore either. 

She deserves to be happy and I want to help make that happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Credit: I Could Use a Love Song by Maren Morris 
> 
> Coming up next. . . how do you think Bella will react to Damon when he finally confronts her? I'm really excited for all of you to see them meet outside the office! Stay tuned! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Tell me what you thought!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright here we go people, Chapter 7! 
> 
> This is my favorite chapter so far and I am really excited for you all to read it! I know I waited a little while before posting another chapter, but I hope it's worth the wait! 
> 
> So dun dun duhhh! It's finally here folks, after 6 chapters of secrecy and hiding in the shadows, Damon finally gets to reveal himself to Bella face-to-face. But it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows okay, Bella ain't that kind of girl. Damon is going to have to work for it, and he doesn't mind one bit. 
> 
> I will add more tags as I add chapters.
> 
> This is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Chapter 7:

It had been more than a week, but finally it was the weekend again. I’d been following Bella home every day for the past seven days and I had still not found an in yet. She never deviated from her walk home, always sticking to the same streets, walking quickly and avoiding everyone around her.

But then, this Friday she seemed a little bit more on edge on her way home. It was a bit later than usual and it was already dark out. She wasn’t listening to her music; her earbuds were nowhere to be found. I thought that was odd. Something was different today and I had no idea what it was.

She was almost at her apartment, but she didn’t have her keys out and she passed the entrance. She turned down the alley next to the parking garage toward the back of her building instead of going through the front door. I immediately thought that was odd, but I continued to follow behind her.

I wasn’t that far behind her, I had barely just turned the corner into the alley. Then suddenly, she stopped, so I stopped too.

I could hear her heart pounding in her chest, but she was trying to keep her breathing normal.

Then she spoke.

“I know you’re there. I’m done playing this game. If you want to kill me, just do it already,” her voice seemed to carry through the air right to my ears.

I froze.

Her voice was a bit rough and low, too low for anyone else to hear. She didn’t sound scared just angry, exasperated and maybe a bit tired. I was confused at first. How did she know I was there? Did I slip up? Ha no, I would never do that. There was no one else around. I couldn’t explain it, I guess she could have seen me, but I was watching her the whole time and she never looked behind her. Now that I think about it . . . I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look backwards while she was walking home. 

I don’t know why, but suddenly I was tense. I wanted to talk to her, I’d been thinking about it for weeks, I’d been looking for the opportunity but this was not exactly the most ideal situation. This was weird, but then again, when would I get another chance?

She huffed loudly, “Come on. What are you waiting for?” She baited me, her voice taunting but steady as her heart pounded in her chest.

I guess this was it.

There wasn’t anything else I could do, I had been found out, somehow, and now I had to face the consequences.

I walked quickly and quietly down the alley behind her, staying to the shadows. She still had her back to me and when I was about ten feet away she quickly turned to face me. Her eyes swept over me, and she recognized me instantly. For the first time, I saw some fear creep into her glare. I could see the irritation increasing by the second. I held her gaze until she spoke again.

“You didn’t answer my question,” She said her voice low again.

I scoffed slightly, but stepped closer to her and looked at her staring deep into her eyes. I didn’t want to use compulsion on her, but I’m a dick, so whatever. 

“Why do you assume I want to kill you?” I asked.

She moved back and looked at me with a scowl. I realized quickly that for some reason, my compulsion was not going to work on her. Well, should have gone with my gut on that one.

She glared at me again and scoffed sarcastically back at me, “You think this is the first time I’ve been stalked?”

Well, now I don’t. Okay so maybe she knew then she had been letting on. That couldn’t be good for me.

“I’m not going to hurt you Bella,” I said honestly.

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. What do you want?” She asked, her voice edging back to irritated.

Oh so many things, but I couldn’t say that. I would sound like a crazy person. No, I have to be calm and collected.

“I want to talk,” I said. Yeah, that’s simple enough.

“I don’t believe you. You clearly want _something_ from me. You follow me _home_. You came to my _office_.” She said sternly.

Yeah and I thought those interactions at her office were life changing, but clearly she does not agree. I thought I had made an impression on her, a good one, but it seemed any goodwill she had toward me in the office was not going to be shown here.

“Bella, it’s not like you go out much, what was I supposed to do?” I asked.

It had been weeks, I knew her schedule, and she never left any room for error, except for tonight...which I thought was odd before, maybe she did this on purpose. Something was off here, a normal human would not know they were being watched and followed. But Bella clearly wasn’t normal.

She changed her routine tonight when she chose to walk down this alley instead of going straight into the safety of her apartment. She said this wasn’t the first time she’s been stalked, I don’t like that term, but fine. It is what it is. Somehow she had known I was following her, which made me wonder how long she knew I’d been watching.

“There’s a reason for that,” She spat at me.

She was angry and she did not want to be doing this that was way too obvious. Whatever attraction she had shown me when we first met was being pushed to the back of her mind.

Now she was just defending herself, preparing for the worst. That made me feel a little guilty. She just assumed I was going to hurt her like she had been, I don’t know how many times, before; but I would show her that I was not going to be one of those people. I would not be another scar marring her beautiful skin. No, I would be so much more than that, if only she would give me the chance.

“What’s the reason?” I asked calmly trying to stay cool, not wanting to come off aggressive.

“That’s none of your business. If you’re not going to kill me, can I go?” She asked impatiently, like she couldn’t wait to get away from me. Well that was disappointing. 

“I want it to be my business.” I said, ignoring her question. I did not want her to leave. When would I get another chance to talk to her?

She looked at me, her eyes glazed over slightly, but she was fighting it. She swallowed and looked down. I saw that look before the last time I visited her office just as I was leaving. It was hope. She felt it for just a second, but it slipped away just as fast.

“Why?” She whispered.

Just then, I saw a hint of what she was holding inside. She looked so sad, so broken, like she was going to close in on herself. I wanted to pull her into my arms and make her feel safe, but we would have to work up to that.

“I like you. I want to know you,” I said with a small genuine smile.

Maybe this would work. The truth seemed like a good way to go. If I couldn’t compel her, than I may as well be honest with her. I didn’t want to give her any more reasons not to trust me, and trying to compel her wasn’t a good way to earn that trust. Not to mention I’m a total stranger that’s been following her around for weeks just trying to get closer to her. Nope, no reason not to trust me. I was going to have to work for it.

“Why should I believe you?” She asked accusingly.

“If I wanted you dead, you’d be dead. That’s the last thing I want Bella.” I said seriously.

“What are you?” She asked curiously, but when I looked at her I got the feeling that she already knew.

I continued looking at her, my head slightly tilted to the side and I smirked.

“What do you think I am?” I ask trying to bait her.

“I don’t know, but you’re not human,” She replied confidently.

Okay, so she knew I was something, just not what.

“How do you know that?” I asked with a smirk. This girl was special. She was not ordinary, no matter how hard she tried to appear that way.

She rolled her eyes at me and huffed, “I just do.” She said.

Alright, we are getting nowhere with this nice guy bullshit. Maybe calm and collected wasn’t the way to go, so maybe some fear might work? Fear can be exciting.

In the blink of her very pretty eyes, I had her locked between my body and the brick wall of her apartment building. I pressed myself into her, chest to chest; one hand above her locking her in tight against the brick, and the other gripped her hip keeping her in place. The ache that I had been feeling for weeks, finally eased completely when I touched her. I could feel her panting in my arms as her heart beat like crazy, and if mine could beat like that, it would be.

She huffed out a small laugh and looked me dead in the eye. “Was that supposed to scare me?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. Who is this girl?

Having her close to me and actually in my arms left me momentarily stunned. My body was now aching for a completely different reason and if I didn’t cut that shit out right now, she would know and we were so not ready for that. The momentary peace seeped out of me as I stared back at her, looking down into her deep brown eyes. I could see the fire in them as she continued to hold my gaze, but I could also see the pain she was trying to hide. 

I chuckled at her false bravado. I like it; she’s feisty even in the face of potential life endangering situations. That takes guts.

But she was not laughing anymore; no, she was not happy, and she was not impressed.

“No,” I smirked and brought my face close to hers, “It was supposed to excite you.”

I inhaled her lovely scent and lowered my face closer to the hollow of her throat. God she smelled divine. I skimmed my nose up along her neck passed her cheek and to her ear. I felt the smoothness of her skin against mine and I wanted to moan. Her heart had not slowed down since I pushed her against this wall and it was only getting faster. I think she’s more than excited.

“And it worked,” I whispered seductively into her ear.

She paused for just a second before she scoffed and tried to push me away, I let her, and I backed up about a foot. I made my point there was no need to hold her there and invading her personal space was not exactly going to win me any points. But I didn’t care, I just wanted to touch her, and now that I had I wanted more.

She stayed against the brick wall and glared at me. Oh shit, she looked really mad. She shook her head and swallowed.

“Oh, of course. I should have known that’s what you wanted. There’s hundreds of thousands of people in this city, go seduce one of them, and stay away from me.” Her voice was laced with anger and she sounded hurt. No, no that was not all I wanted. Not in the least.

I looked at her, and allowed my mask to fall just a little. I let the longing and honesty shine in my eyes as I spoke, “I don’t want anyone but you.” I said desperately hoping she could hear the sincerity in my words.

Her glare didn’t waver, but there was something new shining there. I think she believed me this time.

“Well I’ll hand it to you. You really commit. That was quite a performance. If you can tell me why without using the terms ‘you’re different,’ ‘there’s just something about you,’ or ‘I’m drawn to you’ then maybe, _maybe_, I will believe you. No promises.” She sounded very serious and the hurt was still there.

She’s giving me a chance. She wants me to convince her. Okay, I can do that. I can bare my soul to this woman. I have to because if I don’t do it now, I may never get another chance and I don’t want to live with that regret. This is what I have wanted and now is my chance.

“All those statements are certainly true, but they are not the only reasons why I want you,” I paused and looked at her.

She eyed me warily and narrowed her eyes a little like she was scrutinizing me, like she could see something I couldn’t. Then her face changed back and she sighed.

“Okay, continue.” She said with a wave of her hand.

I took a deep breath and told her the truth, “When I saw you, I thought you were beautiful, which you are there’s no doubt about that, but when I looked at your face I could see how broken you were. I saw the pain in your eyes, the pain you were trying really hard to hide, and you were doing a good job Bella, but I’m not just anyone. I know that pain. I recognized it because I know it well. What I saw in you, it resonated within me and you made me pause, which has never happened before. Something inside of me shifted, and the only thing I wanted in that moment was to hold you and make your pain go away. I want to make you feel whole.” I felt like I was going to start crying after I said all of that, but I stayed still.

She stared at me, blankly. Her eyes had narrowed again and she tilted her head while she listened to me pour my feelings out. God that was humiliating. I have never ever done this before, not even with Katherine. This feeling of incompleteness was not going to go away easily, and Bella was the only solution. She is my missing piece.

She sighed, “Can I get back to you on that?” She sounded sarcastic, but also kind of serious.

I raised an irritated eyebrow at her confusing response. Shit, maybe I wasn’t convincing enough. I hadn’t thought out exactly the words I would say to her when the time came for us to meet, and I was royally fucking this up. No surprise there. I have to fix this. I can’t let her go. Now that I’ve been this close to her, I don’t know if I will ever be able to stay away.

“Well, I was thinking maybe . . . we could continue this conversation inside.” I said casually, hoping to keep her around for even a few moments longer.

She scoffed, “Really? What makes you think I trust you? I don’t even know what you are!” Her voice rose as she responded.

I nodded, “Yeah, and I would like to talk about that inside. I promise, I’m not going to hurt you Bella.”

She stared at me long and hard. I could see the contemplation in her eyes. She was going back and forth, but finally she sighed.

“Fine. But you leave when I say you leave, and don’t you dare lie to me. I’ll know if you do.” She said pointing an accusing finger at me.

I smiled at her, “I haven’t lied to you Bella, and I don’t plan to start now.”

She nodded and then went the rest of the way down the alley. I followed behind her, much closer than normal, usually I’m at least twenty feet away, but this, being closer was so much better. I chuckled a bit at the thought, and she looked back at me as went through the entrance to her building. She raised an eyebrow waiting for me to explain my laugh.

“This feels familiar. Me, following you,” I said jokingly.

She shook her head and kept walking. Okay so it was too soon to joke about it, got it.

We made our way up the stairs and then we were at her door. I could feel the tension come back. This was the moment of truth. As she unlocked the door I could hear her cat freaking inside. Shit this was going to be tough, not the best first impression, but whatever. She opened the door and the cat immediately hissed at me. Bella shushed her and her cat ran.

Bella looked back at me and raised her eyebrow once again. I shrugged and smiled. Then she looked at me more pointedly and I continued to wait for her to say something while hoping my odd behavior would be seen as respectful rather than damning.

“Well? Come on.” She said irritated.

I sighed inward; the elation flooded my mind as I was allowed to walk inside. Well at least I didn’t give myself away.

Okay, I passed the first hurdle. I had a feeling there were going to be a lot more of them if tonight continued this way. But, I was definitely up for the challenge. This was the one woman I was not going to play with, I would do my very best to be as honest as possible and hopefully she won’t try to stake me.

I had never seen the front hallway of her apartment before. Over here things looked a little more lived in. There was still nothing on the walls, but she had more furniture in her bedroom. We walked into the main room and I watched as she went about her routine as usual, ignoring my presence. I looked around the apartment some more. In person I could see the loft more easily. She had a lot of space up there, but no way to access it.

She turned back to me, “Do you want anything?” She asked in a skeptical tone.

“I assume you don’t have any Scotch.” I knew she didn’t but why not ask.

She shook her head, “I don’t really drink. I like to be aware at all times,” she said seriously. Okay so there’s more to this story than meets the eye, and she’s being honest, so that’s a good sign.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m good.” I smiled.

“Okay, well I’m going to change. Try not to be too nosy.” She said with a wary tone.

She gave me a stern look and then turned down the hallway. I could hear her start to get undressed and I had to physically restrain myself from going over there. She’s so close. This is not the time to be dumb and horny.

I need to focus. This is important. She believed me enough to let me in so that’s a good step. Now I just had to figure out how to move this whole thing along without freaking her out.

When she came back into the room she was wearing the same black yoga pants and long-sleeved green shirt that she had worn the first night I followed her home. It was probably just a coincidence or maybe she just likes those clothes.

“Do you want to sit down?” She asked, still eyeing me warily again. I hadn’t moved since she went to go change. I need to get my shit in order and start acting normal.

“Sure.” I respond. She nodded, walked over to the couch and settled in how she normally did against the left side with her blanket next to her. I walked over to the wood chest that was up against the wall by the windows and sat down.

We sat there in silence for a minute. I wasn’t sure what to do. I’m just waiting for her to talk or say something, but she doesn’t, she just stares at me. Okay I guess it’s my job to talk first.

“Where do you think we should start?” I asked. It’s a fair question and since this is her apartment it’s her choice.

“Tell me what you are, and I’ll tell you about me. Fair?” She asked raising an eyebrow at me.

She seemed to have calmed and reverted back to ‘Polite Bella’ as I like to call her, but I don’t mind. She can act however she wants to. It’s just a mask anyways and I was betting the more we talked openly the more the mask would come off.

Down to business then.

“Okay. What types of supernatural creatures are you aware of?” I asked first. I just wanted to see what she knew before I started blabbing about myself and my kind. I knew she didn’t know what I was, but she knew something.

“I’ve met vampires and shifters.” She said, still eyeing me and waiting for me to get to the point.

“Okay. What if I told you the supernatural world is much bigger than you thought? That there’s even another kind of vampire, as well as witches, werewolves, hybrids, etc.” I asked.

“I wouldn’t be all that surprised. Continue.” She said, slightly more interested.

“I’m a vampire Bella, but clearly not like the kind you have met. My kind is sometimes referred to as ‘first generation’ vampires who came before the Cold Ones.” I said watching her reaction.

She seemed unaffected by this revelation, like it was just common knowledge.

“Okay, so tell me about your kind.” She said.

I smiled, “My kind is very different from Cold Ones. First off, obviously we look human and our bodies function almost normally as long as we keep blood in our system. Our eyes only change when we feed, which is also a big difference between our kinds. My kind isn’t venomous, but we do have fangs. We don’t have to kill people to feed, but there are other ways to survive. Some drink from blood bags, it’s not as fresh and not as satisfying, but it’s doable. And very few, choose to drink from animals. When our kind does drink animal blood, it severely weakens them. They aren’t as strong or as fast and they can’t use any special abilities that others of our kind can. Do you want to ask me anything before I continue? There’s a lot of myth and stereotypes about my kind that I should clear up.” I said.

“How can you walk in the sun?” She asked curiously.

“Well, my kind does burn in the sun, but my brother Stefan and I have daylight rings. The stone is lapis lazuli and it’s spelled to protect us from the sun. They can be made if you know who to ask.” I smiled.

“Interesting. Continue.” She seemed into this actually, which made me smile again. This was going better than I thought.

“Let’s start with what is true about my kind, and there are more differences between the two types. Stake to the heart, fire, and decapitation will all kill me. I sleep, but not in a coffin. My kind actually gets stronger with age, unlike Cold Ones who-“

“They’re the strongest during their newborn year.” She said looking me in the eye.

“Yes, that’s true. As I’m assuming you know, Cold Ones usually only have one special ability if they even have one.” I said.

“Yes, I’ve met some with special abilities. They’re mostly assholes who think they know everything and that they’re better than the others.” She said with a scowl on her face.

“Okay then. Well my kind can have multiple abilities. It takes time and effort to hone and use them, but those who are willing to dedicate the time can reap the rewards.”

“Like you?” She asked, but I think she already knew the answer.

I smile, “Yes, like me Bella. There are a lot of abilities out there, but mine include elemental control, something called dream walking, and shapeshifting. There’s a common ability that most vampires are able to do, not all effectively, it’s called compulsion. It’s a form of mind control,” I said and looked at her more pointedly.

She smirked at me, “Oh yeah? Did you try that on me?” She looked like she already knew where this was going, but I decided to play along.

I sighed, “I did, tonight when I asked you why you thought I was going to kill you.” I answer honestly.

She nods, “It’s okay Damon. I know it didn’t work. I’m immune to those sorts of mental attacks or invasions. Whatever you want to call it. You can try again if you want,” She shrugged.

“No, Bella. I don’t want to compel you. I’m not here to use you, I don’t want to make you compliant and act the way I want. I want you to be you.” I said honestly.

She smiled and looked away.

“How did you know it wouldn’t work?” I ask curiously.

“Well, that’s the start to a long story. Are you sure you want to hear it?” She asked.

“Of course. Bella, I want to know everything about you. If you tell me your story, I’ll tell you mine. Fair?” I asked with a hopeful smile.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: Worth It by Danielle Bradbery 
> 
> Now the real courting can begin. 
> 
> Fair warning, I'm going to make Bella's past pretty terrible because I can and I think I might be kinda sadistic, because I like making her suffer just to build her back up again. Girl has to learn her lessons somehow. 
> 
> Like don't trust that creepy dude who snuck in your window to watch you sleep. . . but totally trust the creepy guy who stalks you 24/7 because he is so much hotter than the other dude. Yup, that makes sense to me :P 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, please leave a review and tell me what you thought! 
> 
> Kudos are always appreciated! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone! 
> 
> I know it has been a few months, but I finally had a chance to go back over this chapter. I was struggling a bit with finalizing this and I still haven't finished the following chapter. I wrote this story so out of order, I wish I could just skip the middle, but that would be very confusing. So I hope some of you are still with me. 
> 
> In the last chapter, Bella and Damon finally got to meet! Bella was a little feisty and a lot angry, but Damon was able to convince her to give him a chance. They have just started to get to know each other, and now you will get to hear about Bella's life and why she is the way she is. 
> 
> I tried to break up the speeches as much as possible, so this wasn't just one long monologue by Bella, but it is still mainly talk text. Please be warned that there will be some disturbing images, descriptions of character deaths, and mentions of torture. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter and as always. . . 
> 
> I will add more tags as I add chapters.
> 
> This is not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Chapter 8:

Bella sighed and looked at me hard. Her eyes were doing that looking into your soul thing I saw her do at the office, and I let her. I let her stare at me because clearly this was something very serious and important and I needed her to know that I was going to give her my undivided attention.

“Damon, this is not a fairy-tale. There was no happy ending, despite the lies I was told in the beginning. Even though this only took place over about four or five years, the amount of pain and suffering has been _endless_. I was a foolish naïve little girl who got mixed up in the wrong things with the wrong people.” She paused.

I instantly knew what she meant. That could happen to anyone, and it broke my heart that someone as sweet as Bella got stuck in this world when clearly she did not want to be involved in it. She reminded me a bit of Stefan and how he so easily feel into Katherine’s clutches. I can only hope her story doesn’t end up like ours did.

“Bella, I understand that sharing what happened to you is difficult and it’s not something you do often, if ever. I won’t speak a word of what you say to me to anyone, not even my brother. I will protect your secrets for as long as I live, and all I ask is that you give me the same courtesy,” I said with sincerity.

She nodded, “It’s not like I haven’t wanted to talk about it, but there just hasn’t been anyone to tell. I know how to keep a secret, if I didn’t I’d be dead, turned, or a slave to the Volturi by now. I assume you know who they are.”

“Yes, I have heard of them. ‘Cold One’s Royalty’ so to speak. My kind has something like that. The Original Vampires, the Mikaelson’s. They were the first of our kind, but they don’t necessarily enforce any rules or claim any actual royal title. They’re not really people you want to get involved with, it’s best to just avoid them and try not to draw attention to yourself,” I said with a weak smile.

_God, do I know that. _

“Well the same can be said about the Volturi. However, they revel in the fact that they rule their own little world, and they think it’s their responsibility to clean up messes and punish those who break their laws. It’s the last place you want to end up, you know if you want to _stay_ alive.” She smirked at me.

She seemed to know a lot about the Cold One’s world and I was really interested in how she learned all of this. We needed to get back to the point, not that I didn’t like bantering with her, but my curiosity was starting to burn a bit. But this story was not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. More like death and bloodbaths.

“Why don’t we start from the beginning? You have my undivided attention for as long as you wish,” I said hoping that could be forever, but we can start with right now.

I felt a little uneasy about this hearing her story, mainly because I knew it was not going to be a pretty tale even before she warned me. I just hoped I could get through this and be there to comfort her if she’d let me.

She sighed and repositioned herself on the edge of the couch instead of in a comfortable position. She’s in her serious mode now, ‘Polite Bella’ has left the building. 

“If I could rewrite my story, I would never have left my mother when I was seventeen, but I was selfless and I wanted her to be free to live the way she wanted with her new husband. I felt like a burden and I’ve always put the happiness of my family before mine. So I agreed to move to a tiny depressing town in Washington where my father was the town’s Chief of Police at the time. When I started school, I immediately met Edward and his family, the Cullen’s. I had my suspicions early on, and come on; Cold One’s don’t blend very well. I knew they were different and eventually I confronted Edward with the little evidence I could find and he admitted it.

“And thus our painful and tragic love story commenced. He became obsessed with me and I became infatuated with him, so much so that I allowed him to dictate _every_ aspect of my life. I did everything he wanted; I allowed him to coddle me, and I allowed his overbearance to suffocate me. But all the while, I also got close to his family and I let them integrate themselves into my life; they made me think that they loved me. Mind you, these people are not blood family.”

“I figured as much. They were a coven?” I asked.

She nodded slightly before explaining, “Yes, but Carlisle didn’t use that word. The Cullen’s didn’t feed from humans, they thought they had more control over their bloodlust and that by surviving only on animal blood they were able to hold onto some of their humanity. Carlisle liked to think of them as a family instead because he treated his progeny like they were his children…”

Then she told me all about the Cullen’s. She explained their family dynamic starting with Carlisle, their leader who spent too much of his time listening to his misguided gifted children rather than making his own choices for their family.

Esme was their mother figure who was mated to Carlisle. Bella mentioned the other siblings, but she mainly focused on Edward, Carlisle’s oldest ‘son.’ She told me of the gifted ones in the family, and how Edward could read minds, but not hers, which made her even more alluring in his eyes. She described their relationship as a tragic young love, with a distorted view of what love was supposed to be.

Edward had claimed he loved her, but where was he now? He tried to paint a pretty picture of their relationship, but really he never intended to change her and be with her forever even though she would have given her life for him. While he may not have admitted that out loud, she knew he had lied to her over the course of their relationship. He promised forever and instead he abandoned her. Sounds pretty familiar. . .

“They all pretended to be human, but they were far from it. It didn’t take long for my involvement with them to turn life threatening.” She said and stopped for a moment and collected her thoughts.

I could tell this was hard for her. I don’t think she had ever told anyone any of this, and from what I was hearing these people were even dumber than Stefan with his diet choice. Cold One’s surviving on animal blood, that’s a fucking _joke_, and not a good one. They have even less control of their bloodlust then we do, and not to mention it takes them much longer to hone their control, we’re talking years instead of months. And good luck trying to stop a Cold One ripper.

“Bella, take all the time you need. I’m not in a rush,” I chuckle.

She looked back at me and gave me a sad half smile.

“So we grew close, and they tried to include me in their ‘family activities.’ And one day they decided to have a nice family outing and play baseball. Everything was fine, everyone was having fun, and then three nomads came. James, Victoria, and Laurent. Edward was very protective and that plus you know I smell like a field of roses, caused the leader, James, to take an interest in me. Edward noticed immediately and the family tried to protect me, but I didn’t want anyone to die for me, so I did that selfless thing and tried to sacrifice myself. James lured me out and taunted me, broke me, and then bit me,” As she spoke, Bella pulled up the sleeve on her right arm and I could clearly see the scar of a Cold One bite-mark that marred her beautiful pale skin.

She continued, “Edward didn’t want me to be like them. He was obsessed with trying to keep me human so I wouldn’t lose my soul or some bullshit. He made the decision for me and sucked out the venom and honestly, I think that hurt more than the bite itself.”

Then she told me about her recovery and how she started to feel different in the months after being attacked by James. She said she started noticing a tingle from her scar when she was around the Cold Ones, but at the time she didn’t think anything of it.

After the summer, was her birthday party that Alice planned for her even though she insisted against it. At Bella’s party, she got a papercut in a room with seven hungry vampires that were deprived of their natural blood source, so obviously they tried to attack her. But, Edward made it worse by trying to protect her and ended up pushing her toward a glass table, which made the whole situation about a thousand times worse. _Good going buddy._

After the party, Edward decided that he and his family were leaving. So he took Bella into the woods, like all good little vampires do apparently, and told her he didn’t want her, he didn’t love her, she was just a distraction, and that she would forget everything in time. But while he was speaking, Bella couldn’t ignore the unsettled feeling she got that kept pushing her to notice that something was wrong. Something inside of her told her that the words he was saying were untrue.

“It was like this little voice that I’d never heard before was trying to get my attention, kept nudging something in the back of my mind. Everything he said sounded wrong. And then he left me there, all alone, and with no way to get back home. I had no idea that after that things would get so exponentially worse for me. I thought that what happened with Edward was the worst thing I could ever experience, but I was severely mistaken.”

She stopped and took a deep breath, “Damon, things only got worse from there, and I don’t know how well I can keep it together,” She said with glassy eyes.

Fuck. Things got worse than all of that? It doesn’t matter, I’m here now, and nothing and no one will ever hurt her again.

I moved and crouched down in front of her and lifted her hanging head by her chin. Her face was so close to mine I wanted to kiss her, but this was really _not_ the time. Now I had to be supportive, I had to be the shoulder I promised myself I would be.

I ignored my desire and looked at her honestly, “Bella I’m not going _anywhere_, and I want to know. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, scream. If you want to hit something, go ahead and hit me. I’ll take it, but you have to let it out. Keeping it bottled up has only made you shut down. I know you said you didn’t have anyone to tell before, well, now you do. And I want to listen.” I said.

She carefully reached her hand out toward my face; she slowly brushed my hair aside and touched my cheek gently with her fingertips.

The moment her skin touched mine I could feel the ache completely disappearing again like it had in the alley, it made me feel whole inside, and I hoped that maybe she could feel even an ounce of what I was feeling.

“You’re a good man, Damon,” She said with a small purse of her lips.

I could see she really believed that, and I was worried that maybe she thought this is who I’ve always been but before I could say anything, she shushed me and put a finger to my lips, “I know what you are. I may not know your past, but I can see who you are now. I’m sure the things you’ve done are gruesome and horrifying; every vampire has killed, that’s just your nature. I’ll listen to all of it, but none of that defines who you are now. I’m not going to judge you on who you’ve been or what you’ve done; I’m going to look at the man who is here with me right now.”

She cupped my cheek again and looked at me so sincerely I actually wanted to cry.

“Bella I want you to know about my past because it’s what shaped me and it’s what brought me to you. I want you to know so you understand why I feel your pain. Who I am now, well that’s undecided at the moment. I’ll let you know when I know.” I smiled at her, “Tell me the rest.”

She pulled her hand away and sat back to continued.

“Well my dad freaked out when I didn’t come home that night, so he sent a search party out for me and one of the guys from the reservation found me in the woods. At the time I didn’t know anything about my abilities, but I remember when he picked me up I could feel that tingle from my scar. I was catatonic for a few months and then my friend Jacob helped me put myself back together…”

She told me about their friendship and about how close they became, spending time on the reservation, having fun and doing reckless things. It was obvious to me that he had feelings for her, but she didn’t feel that way about him. Bella loved him, but it wasn’t the love he wanted.

Then he started keeping secrets from her, avoiding her, not talking to her and she fell back into the depression he had just helped her recover from.

“I didn’t find out what was really going on until one day I was in the woods where Edward and I used to spend time together. Then Laurent showed up, he told me that Victoria who apparently had been James’s mate was hell-bent on killing me and that he could make it quicker. I was going to give in, but then five huge wolves came out of nowhere and killed him.” Her voice was monotone as she spoke, detached from the memories that she was sharing.

“What happened after the wolves killed Laurent was more painful to me than anything that Edward ever did. I haven’t spoken in detail about what Victoria did to me to anyone. Jake told me he was a shape shifter, and over the next few months we grew closer again. He swore to me that he would protect me and not give up until Victoria was dead. And he did, Jake fulfilled that promise, but no good deed goes unpunished.

“Victoria started sniffing around, trying to get to me, but the pack protected me. I thought it would be a good idea to leave, to go to college and be normal for once and also throw Victoria off my trail. I don’t know why I thought it worked. She always knew where I was. I got through most of college and then I came home for a summer, and Victoria picked right back up where she left off. She was really pissed that I thought I could just go on with my life, so she tried to make it difficult for me.

“One day during the summer, I came home and my dad was dead. She killed him, decapitated him and left him in his favorite chair, beer still in hand. I found his head left in the fridge on a plate with a little note. It said: ‘_this is only the beginning_.’ I was paralyzed. I was so scared everyone around me was going to end up like him. My mom tried to comfort me, but she couldn’t help. See her attitude when anything went wrong was to just leave and come back later, and then maybe everything would have magically cleaned itself up. . . and I can’t believe I let myself think that would work. “

Bella paused and sighed heavily while turning her head away from me. “Oh I loved my mother, but she was never really good at being _my_ mother. I spent most of my life taking care of_ her_, and when I needed her most, Victoria took her away from me. It wasn’t enough that Victoria murdered my father, no, she had to kill the rest of my family too. Victoria wanted me to suffer, and believe me she was a creative about it like the twisted bitch she was. She gave me just a bit of peace so that I thought I was safe enough to go back to school. And you know how I found out that my mom and step-dad were dead?”

Bella stopped and looked at me like she actually wanted me to guess. But I just shook my head, because fuck no I was not going to try to guess. 

“Victoria mailed me their hearts. Her note this time was just cruel, it said: ‘_who’s going to love you now?_’ The only reason I went back to school was because I thought maybe, just maybe she was done tormenting me, which in reality was a stupid naïve thing to think. And that package, it was too much. I was terrified. I immediately got on a plane and went home. Jake tried to comfort me, he really did, but what could he do? A psychotic crazed vampire was psychologically torturing me, and the only way I could see this ending was with my death.

“So . . . I jumped off the cliffs at the reservation. Jake had always said we would go cliff diving one day, well he didn’t mean by myself . . . or during a thunderstorm. But I just wanted it to be over. I didn’t want to wait and see what Victoria was going to do next. I thought death sounded like an escape, the perfect answer to all of my problems, but Jake wouldn’t let me just give up. After he saved me I stayed on the reservation with Jake since it wasn’t safe for me to be alone . . .

“Jake kept reassuring me that this would end, that he would fulfill his promise to keep me safe. At some point I realized Jake’s vow to save me was the only way he knew how to convey his feelings for me. Or maybe that was the only way I would listen to him. Jake wanted more than I could give him, especially then, and I didn’t want to get involved with him even if I did feel that way about him,” Bella paused and looked at me, “Ask me why when we’re done with this okay?”

I was a bit confused about the random question, but I nodded anyways. I had that off feeling again that this was important to her, but this just wasn’t the time for it.

She smiled sadly and said “Good,” before continuing. “I stayed on the reservation for a while, trying to recover and that’s when things started to get _weird_. That tingling feeling had been happening, and the longer I was on the reservation, the more often I felt it. But then it wasn’t just a feeling in my arm anymore, it was like it was affecting all of me. I could sense things, like where members of the pack were, and more often than not, I knew when people were lying to me.

“Once I was fully aware of that feeling, I started noticing it when I was talking to Jake, and it reminded me of how I felt with Edward in the woods. Jake was telling me about some of the murders that had been reported in Seattle, but I knew he wasn’t telling me everything. When the feeling wouldn’t go away I cornered Jake and I made him tell me the truth. He reluctantly told me that Victoria was in Seattle and that she’d been turning people to create an army of newborns.

“It wasn’t just about me anymore. Victoria wanted the whole pack to pay for protecting me. They were the only family I had left, so Victoria wanted to take that away just like everything else in my life that mattered. They came not long after that and the pack tried to hide me, but I wasn’t just going to sit there and wait to die.

“So the short version, not that I know how to do that clearly,” She laughed sarcastically, “the pack destroyed Victoria and her newborns, but in the end we also lost Jake. He fulfilled his promise to protect me until Victoria was gone, but somehow I didn’t realize he would give his own life. I never wanted that. I loved Jake, he was my family and the last person I loved. So even though we defeated Victoria, it still felt like she won in the end.”

Bella’s voice had been slowly lowering as she spoke and by the end she was just whispering, like the words were physically painful to get out.

I could see the tears in her eyes, but she wouldn’t look up or wipe them away. She just sat there letting them fall, and I wanted to hold her, but I didn’t feel like I could.

There was still so much for us to discuss and now that I knew what she had been through, I wasn’t going to ever leave her. Not that I was going to before, but I mean tonight. I would find a way to stay here with her. She shouldn’t have to be alone with all of this weighing on her.

And yet, as she cleared her throat and finally wiped her face, Bella looked up at me, her eyes red and glassy and sighed.

_Shit, she’s not done._

“We had a funeral for Jake and my dad. Jake was buried on the reservation, and my dad was buried in Forks. I also got two headstones for Renee and Phil; even though I didn’t have their bodies I just wanted to lay it all to rest. At Jake’s funeral, Sam came over to me. He was the Alpha of the pack and it was his duty to protect them at all cost, and it was my fault that Jake sacrificed himself. Sam politely asked me to leave Washington, not just the reservation or Forks, he wanted me gone from the whole region.

“He said to me, _‘Bella, who you are is not your fault, but you’re a magnet for danger. You bring it with you wherever you go and people die. I will not allow this pack to be destroyed because of you. You need to leave for the good of everyone, yourself included. Go somewhere new, go somewhere far away, preferably somewhere sunny.’_

“I didn’t blame Sam because he was right; I do attract danger. It’s because of my blood and I know it is. It’s gotten me into trouble multiple times now and there was nothing I could do but leave. I sold my dad’s house, and decided to go to Jacksonville and deal with the rest of my parents’ things.”

She stopped again and swallowed. Her eyes turned hard and cold and she stood up. She walked over to the window and looked out, I could hear her heart racing and the deep breaths she was taking trying to contain her emotions.

She stayed there with her back to me and finished her story.

“Damon, no one knows what I’m about to tell you. The pack cut communication with me, and there was no one left. I was completely alone for the first time in my life and there was no one to lean on. When I got to the house everything looked perfectly normal. There was nothing out of place or unusual, but when I opened the door . . . the stench of death was everywhere. Victoria had decided to leave me one last parting gift, because even though she was dead, she found a way to continue torturing me.

“The smell was so thick, like she’d painted the walls with it or something. It took a while to figure out where it was coming from, but it was everywhere. I didn’t even know the human body could be cut into that many pieces, but Victoria found a way, and then she stashed their remains all over the house, contaminating every last thing in the house. She left them there for me to find, like a little scavenger hunt, only with body parts. But I didn’t want to play anymore, the game was supposed to be over. I didn’t need their bodies, they already had graves. So I burned the house down, had all the debris taken away, and I sold the plot.

“After that, I just went north. I stayed on the east coast, never staying anywhere very long. And then I came here. It’s been two years since Victoria killed my family, but it always feels like it was yesterday.”

The pain in her eyes that I saw that first day, it was only a shadow of the real pain that she’s been feeling. She pushed it down and tried to move on, but you can’t really do that until you let it out.

She was walking around with these painful memories burned into her mind, never finding relief from the continuous psychological torture that Victoria put her through. I hoped that speaking about it would relive her of something, but only time would tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: Haunted by Taylor Swift
> 
> Next up will be a bit about Damon's past, but since the chapter is not complete I am unsure what it will end up being. Hopefully I can get their relationship moving along a bit. 
> 
> Thank you for everyone who has stuck around for this story, I really enjoy writing it and I'm glad I can share it with all of you. 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! Kudos is always welcome!


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